Wanted to share a quick story because I was so annoyed by it, it has once again led me to the brink of swearing off all online dating sites completely.
As many of you know, I have been on eHarmony off and on (more on than off) for the past 5 years. Since the site has yielded no more than a few decent dates and absolutely zero long-term relationships in that period of time, I decided about 2 months ago to call it quits on eHarmony altogether. I steered clear of anything date-related (online or otherwise) for about a month before signing up with Match.com in a fit of optimism.
And why not? You might say. Just because eHarmony was a pit with no possibilities, Match might be different. And hey, anything that Dr. Phil attaches his name to can’t be all bad, right? Hm.
It didn’t take long for me to start receiving messages and getting notifications from Match whenever I was “winked” at…and can someone tell me, what the heck is “winking” about anyway? What is the point of sending a virtual “wink” when hardly anyone even does that in real life anymore? Who are these winkers, and why do they feel compelled to “wink” instead of sending a real message?
Anyway, a couple of weeks and dozens of winks later, I had come across a guy who didn’t seem half-bad. He was from Philly, a Christian, and intelligent. We spoke on the phone a couple of times and arranged that we would get together for coffee and then see where the day would lead.
Saturday I got to the Starbucks a little early and waited for him to show. He was right on time so therefore off to a good start in my book. He was a little shorter than myself, but I tried not to let that bother me. I also had to make a point not to concern myself with physical characteristics that I might not find so appealing, per se. This is a danger I often find with meeting people in person who I’ve previously only “met” online – it’s difficult sometimes to reconcile the real thing with the image you’ve designed in your head. Photos don’t even help with this sometimes – people might be incredibly photogenic and so the real thing doesn’t live up to the picture… And on the other side of that spectrum live people who are not photogenic at all, but are gorgeous in real life. In any case, I’m typically able to overcome this upon meeting an online-originating date within the first few minutes.
As for him, I’m not sure what the problem was. I don’t know if he found my nail polish color offensive, or maybe the style shirt I had on bothered him in some way, or perhaps I had something grotesque sticking out of my teeth that sneered at him when I spoke, but whatever it was, he lasted for about an hour before announcing that he had a “headache” and felt that he needed to “just go home”.
A headache?! Was this guy serious?! I mean c’mon! The LEAST he could do was be a little more creative and say he had a brain tumor or something, but a headache? You’ve got to be kidding me. “It’s just as well,” I felt like saying to him, “I’ve gotta get home and wash my hair anyway.”
To be fair, I didn’t disbelieve him right away (although I did think it was kind of strange). Afterall, I myself suffer from the occasional migraine. If he really did have a bad headache that was interfering with his ability to have a good time, then by all means, he should have gone home and far be it from me to stand in his way. However, WERE that the case, I also would have expected that I would hear from him when his head was feeling better – or at least within the next day or so – to apologize and maybe set up some sort rain check since we had barely been out for 60 minutes. But my phone hasn’t rung once. Nor have I had anything come in through email. Nada.
And so I’m left to believe that this seemingly-nice guy was really anything but, and I am again questioning the purpose of continuing to subject myself to this kind of torture through places such as eHarmony & Match – I’m also now feeling like I just traded one hopeless site for another. What really gets me is the fact that not only do I have to endure pathetic guys in their 30′s or above who are quite clearly still single for a reason, but I’m actually PAYING to do this!
So I guess if you look at it that way, maybe it is really I who is pathetic…? Something to consider.