Or at least someone who can tell me what my problem is?! So I returned from San Francisco yesterday and all was fine and dandy (or maybe I was just tired). I get into work today, and suddenly find myself back to feeling as antsy as I did before I left. Seriously antsy. Like ants-freaking-out-in-my-pants antsy. Like if I don’t have some major change in my life SOON, I’m going to just freak out completely.Notice that this is about the time I always start to get this way. Whenever I start to get bored, I get like this. Sometimes it takes longer than others, but it if no significant changes have occurred in my life over about a 2-year period, I get so stir-crazy and bored I feel as though I might just possibly explode…or implode – I’m not picky.
In particular I know this happens to me on the East Coast. I really hate it here. True that sometimes I’m more okay with it than others, but for the most part, I think it just sucks. It’s dirty and congested and dull. It’s not like Alaska where I got to stare at the mountains all day or stop and watch whales swim the Inlet on my way into work. It’s not like NYC where all you had to do was walk outside for an adventure. And it’s not like the UK where as soon as you turned on the TV or someone opened their mouth, you were reminded of the fact that you were in another country which was interesting all by itself. No, sad to say Bucks County living with a New Jersey work environment does not provide me with any such thrills.
Instead, traffic tends to have me in tears, summers are gross and hot, winters are cold and virtually snow-less (which I know some enjoy, but is a sad, sad sad thing to me), and my social life is non-existent. All of these things make for a very bored and sad Deb.
I honestly think that the only reason I was able to survive here previously was that I did have a fair amount of change, and it was always around the 2-year mark that it would hit which would keep me from losing my mind.
Think about it….
- July 1999 – I move back to the East Coast from AK, but to NYC (major adjustment and adventure which kept me from becoming bored)
- June 2000 – 12 months later I take new “dream job” in Princeton and move home for a few months while looking for a place (hated living at home, but dream job had me traveling constantly which is a great way to ward-off boredom)
- August 2000 – Short-lived “dream job” ends and I am presented with incredible opportunity to live overseas for a year by which point the word “bored” wasn’t even in my vocabulary.
- August 2001 – Return from overseas excursion and agree reluctantly to take job in New Jersey while living in New Hope (cool place to live and different work environment – boredom staied off for awhile while readjusting to being back in “home” country).
- June 2003 – Boredom returns after near-2-year term, but opportunity to move back to NYC presents itself in the nick of time and antsy-boredom is returned to its holding cell.
- October 2005 – Despite desires to remain in NYC, fab new job offer comes in from Princeton with offer that I realize would be foolish to turn down despite my lack of desire to leave NYC. Purchase of new home and puppy assist in providing sanity and holding antsy-boredom at bay.
- October/November 2007 – Antsy-boredom returns as new job reaches 2-year mark with house and puppy trailing by only a few weeks/months.
As you can see, this is officially the longest I’ve gone without major change for pretty much the last 10 years and I really feel like I’m going to freak out completely if something doesn’t happen soon.
Naturally I realize my feeling this way may have just been ampliphied by the trip to San Fran… I’m not denying this, but I was really starting to feel this before the trip so now I’ve just managed to irritate it and make it worse if anything.
You wouldn’t believe how bad it is right now… This morning I was actually contemplating whether or not I should just quit my job, enroll in school full-time somewhere, finish my degree, and then apply for jobs out in Seattle or Portland or somewhere in my favored PacNW. I was even checking out various seasonal work in places like Colorado and Juneau. ANYTHING to get me out that way and effect some positive change in my life. I’m not exaggerating – I literally was bookmarking websites this morning on this. I don’t know what to do when it gets this bad.
If only I could drink some of the wine I bought in Sonoma which, ironically, is sitting on the floor beside me as I type. Yum. But alas, instead I must get back to work and just press-on…right?