So I spent yesterday at a seminar with the subject of what it means to be a Christian in suburbia with keynote speaker, Al Hsu, author of The Suburban Christian and a few other books. One of the things that I was impressed by was the diversity of those attending. There were actually a very small number from The Well, but a lot of others who were from various churches both in the greater Philadelphia area but also beyond - New York State, Delaware, and even Tennessee were represented. I think this helped to spark even more conversation and provided us all with some different viewpoints. It’s amazing to me how much suburban areas across the county may have in common, but also how culturally different they are as well.

Anyhow, I’ve had a lot bits floating around in my head from the day and thought I’d spending a few minutes trying to get it out on paper (or glowing monitor, as the case may be) might help me finish sorting through them.

Those of you who know me are well aware of how keen on building community I am. I think this may be one of the reasons I’m drawn so much to the PNW where the culture is much more about the outdoors and with people around town…not in lock-down at home in front of the TV or the computer.

Some of this started with my time at Redeemer where being community-minded is a way of life. Redeemer is also where I really began to see, not only the importance of community, but the biblical basis for it as well and how, as Christians, we are not only called into community with each other, but called to serve the community around us, Christian or not.

In the city it’s one thing. In suburbia this is a whole ‘nother ballgame. In fact, I’m starting to feel that it isn’t just another ballgame, it’s another sport altogether…like croquet, or synchronized swimming. And as important as it is to build and reach out to one’s community within the city (which is certainly no easy task), it is just as important to do the same in suburbia…but I think suburbia is a more difficult landscape. Allow me to explain.

Now I should probably preface my comments on this matter by saying that I look through the colored lenses of a single adult in her mid-30s, so I probably see the suburban landscape a little differently than someone who is living the typical married-with-2.3-kids-and-a-dog suburban soccer mom life (although I do have a dog). But I think that my vantage point is therefore somewhat unique.

To start with, suburbia is incredibly insular. By comparison, New York City can also be insular, but I think a greater opportunity exists to interact with one’s community in NYC. For instance, if I needed to go to the store in Manhattan, I would go down the stairs of my 3rd-floor walk-up on East 88th Street and take a stroll over one block and down to 86th to reach the nearest grocery store. While on that walk, I might run into people I knew (that happened more frequently than you’d think), but I would at least be in the company of others walking, some of whom I might even say hi to or ask a question of. A run to the grocery store now means I leave my house, close myself up in my car, drive 2.5 miles to the nearest grocery store. Assuming I manage to avoid getting into a car accident, a trip to the store now involves absolutely zero human contact.

In the city I felt I did more talking, more relationship building, and definitely more walking. My apartment was a shoebox, so I didn’t typically spend a whole lot of time there. Sundays meant walking to church, going out to dinner afterward with friends, and then walking home with some of them because we all lived within a few blocks of each other. Hello community.

Here in suburbia it often feels to me like so much is done in a vacuum. Public transportation is severely lacking and there are seemingly no sidewalks in Bucks County, so everyone is driving to work, driving to the store, staying in the house because it’s hot out, or staying in the house because it’s cold out. Getting together with others seems to take greater effort and more planning… Mostly I think that stems from those with children which only makes sense - I’m typically able to do last minute things, but I’m not concerned with shuttling little ones to piano lessons or getting people dinner.

But I think that this just makes community that much more necessary…not to mention needed. I once heard someone speculate that they believe one of reasons we’ve seen such an increase in depression with women over the last 50 years was partly due to the lack of community they (or I should say we) experience even just with each other. Women tend by nature to be more relational than men and are in need of relationships with other women. 50+ years ago, there was more of that going on - women lived and raised their children together. They had bridge clubs, quilting bees, and other ways of interacting. There’s still some of that alive and well today - seems that playdates are a big thing for stay-at-home mom’s with small children - but there certainly isn’t as much as there once was and the mental and emotional health of our communities certainly suffer as a result.

As a single adult in these crazy ‘burbs, I have come to recognize my need for community on a larger scale. Without it, life becomes very lonely very quickly. This was even a recurring theme in some of my commentary-like posts last year (Laments of a Suburban Single, Home Bittersweet Home, and Smug Marrieds). I think my understanding of my personal need for community is partly because I was “spoiled” by the community I had in NYC (if any of my New York buds are reading this, know that I really miss you guys!) which has served to show me just how important and valuable community is to my emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

It’s odd, really… As connected as we all are today with the Internet, laptops, wireless, and iPhones, these great strides of technology have also served to further enable isolation. Al told us today of a guy who changed his name legally to “Dot Com Guy” and didn’t leave his house for an entire year living solely off the Internet to pay his bills, get his groceries delivered, etc. just to prove that he could do it. How insane is that? As much as I enjoy the Internet, I don’t believe that there is any online community that can ever replace the joy of having good friends over for dinner. Not on your life.

After a day like this, I of course get fired up and want to just run out an cancel my cell phone, shut off my cable, start up a bridge club, and begin hanging out on my front porch, but I know that we can’t really run back to the 1950’s because, well, it would only really work if everyone else did it too. It was like that in NYC during the blackout of 2003 - the lights went out as did the air conditioning, Internet, TV, everything. Suddenly everyone was outside. Whole blocks were having parties because the food in their fridge wouldn’t keep, so they put it out for everyone to eat. What a unique experience, but unfortunately it only lasted a short time. So apparently we can’t bring back the 1950’s for good (not that we would want to - personally I think Wally & The Beav can stay happily in Mayberry or wherever it was they lived). But there must also be practical ways to begin reaching out to our communities in 2008.

I don’t really have the answers, so I hope you didn’t read through this whole post looking for some! I do have some ideas, but I’m still working them through so I won’t share them quite yet.

One thing I will say is I think first we have to commit to being purposeful with our interactions and look for ways to serve our communities. This is much easier said than done, but I think when we seek out opportunities and then also act on them, we are first of all showing others Jesus by loving and caring for them. I can’t think of a better way to grow and build a community than that.