In truth, I have a love/hate relationship with social networking, the center of which would appear to be Facebook. Facebook has, in some ways, been a godsend. It helps me stay in touch with people I might not otherwise have time to email incessantly. It has brought me back in touch with people I’ve lost track of over the years and through all moves I’ve made. However, it also has opened the graves and resurrected some of the people (and attached memories) who were a part of my past that I’m not really sure I want to have anything to do with again.
I know, I know – there’s no rule that if someone befriends me, I have to accept. In fact, Facebook has been kind enough to not notify someone if I choose to ignore a friend request. It also doesn’t send any sort of notification if I decide to remove someone I previously accepted. Great. Thanks Facebook. But that doesn’t quite take away the fact that these people are still out there and, if they were to find me, could still send me messages whether I respond to them or not…and I’m not the kind of person who can easily ignore a message.
So what brought this on?
One of the curses of being tall is that cooking (or doing dishes) at standard-height counter tops will eventually kill your lower back. Mine now kills (man, am I getting old). While I’m waiting for it to stop spazzing out like it’s being attacked, the activities available to me are somewhat limited. Naturally sitting in an ergonomic chair at the computer is one of the least painful, and lends itself to doing things like surfing around on Facebook.
So today I found myself perusing Facebook specifically looking to see if any of my exes (particularly the one who is more prone to stalker-like behavior) have joined up. So far, I’ve been lucky. My goal is mainly to block them once they do (you can’t block someone on Facebook until they join). However today while hunting for one of them, I stumbled across a whole group of people who I knew outside of school during those years between 16-18, or as I affectionately call them, “The Dark Years”. I was actually considering adding some of the journal entries from those days as blog posts, but upon reading through them, they were so dismal and unsettling, that I decided it was best they never see the light of the Internet.
Those were the years of my life that I recognize for their importance in shaping me to be who I am today, but were still years I’d rather not relive, revive, resurrect, or apply any sort of smelling salts to. Sure, they were key in making me who I am, but I am also in no way the same person today that I was then…and may I just say, THANK GOD FOR THAT!
Okay, fine. So don’t add any of these people to your Facebook friends then. Simple, right? Wrong. So wrong and so not that simple. While looking through this chunk of people that I have not seen, spoken to, nor heard from in nearly 17 years, there are some (2 to be exact) that I would actually like to reconnect with.
I know, that seems to go against everything I was just saying about that particular group of people, but these two are different. They weren’t part of the darkness in the same way I feel the others were. They didn’t ride on the backs of hellhounds when we would meet and hang out. Rather, they are people who I have wondered about, thought of, and even searched for on occasion. The problem is that this whole group – Dementors and all – are connected on Facebook (which I actually think is a little creepy). Therefore, if I connect with one of them, I open myself up to being connected to all (or having to explain why not).
I know I don’t owe them any explanation or anything else, for that matter, but to ignore them if they were to reach out, would just seem mean…and I’m not mean. At least, I don’t think I am generally speaking. And it’s really not their fault…it was a weird, freakish, hellish time for me, and they just had the misfortune of being there for it.
So, to contact, or not to contact? That is the question. Of course it may all be a moot point because I’ve already sent a note to one of them as I’m dying to know what’s been happening these last couple of decades, but…well…I guess we’ll see if the others catch on or not.
A pitfall of social networking sites for sure. I also find it difficult to believe that I’m the only one who has encountered this problem where, you’d like to fully put your past behind you…or your behind in your past (you say tomato…), but the Internet has made this all but impossible.
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Wow. Okay – so in continuing to search, I actually DID find my ex with the stalker tendencies (whom I generally refer to as “Ralph”). He’s now blocked from ever finding me – at least on Facebook. Score.
Yay that you got to block “Ralph” before he found you! And I think the best way to handle it all is to do like you were thinking when I last talked to you about it – create a group for that era of your life with limited profile, etc. viewing. This way, you may head any of them off from requesting you as a friend. I’d be curious to know if the 2 people you want to contact are friends with everyone else simply because they were requested, so they said yes, or if they’re actually friendly with the others after all these years. They could be in the same boat you are.
Actually, turns out FB is even “smarter” than I gave it credit for! Apparently if you block someone, it not only prevents them from putting in a friend request to you, but also prohibits you from showing up on friend lists of people you might both have in common! That includes wall posts, etc. So basically “blocking” someone makes it so that you don’t even exist as far as they know.
Whoa! Reading your blog entry was like seeing my thoughts, feelings, and what I thought was a unique high school experience and my current facebook dilemma come to life. I am certain we did not go to the same high school but my word, I’ve been lamenting the same issues about people from a past I’d rather forget about crashing into the current life that I love and creating a milky, murky mess – even if it’s only on the internet. I personally decided that I can be friends with who I want to and not be friends with those I don’t want, and I owe no explanation. It’s not like elementary school where you have to invite ALL the kids in the class to a birthday party, right? Good luck!