Some of you already know this little drama that’s been unfolding for me recently. The short of it is this – I like this guy who, odds are I have no future with. I’ve known him for awhile and really enjoy his friendship and being around him. I have absolutely no idea if he feels the same way. I assume that he likes me on some level at least – that is to say he hasn’t shunned me or anything. But then he also hasn’t asked me out.
Janelle’s thoughts on this were the most encouraging. I think she said that, in all the time she’s known me, she’s never seen me have this good of a relationship with a guy I wasn’t dating. We’re just friends…and good friends at that, at least I think we are. I feel incredibly comfortable with him, and I think he feels the same with me. We’re alike enough to have things to talk about, but different enough to be interesting. He makes me laugh – and vice versa (always good to find someone who appreciates my sometimes-insane sense of humor). I feel like I could say just about anything to him, and again vice versa (I think).
The agony is two-fold.
On the one hand, as I said, we most likely have no future. I also have horrible luck with men. The ones I like usually don’t like me back – or if they do, chances are there’s something terribly wrong with them that only time will reveal. The ones that do like me are usually desperados who mistake my being nice for romantic interest (the LARPer springs to mind). There is a part of me that REALLY wants to know whether there is any interest on his side or not…although I’m not sure which response would be worse.
Allow me to explain.
If the answer is that he likes me too, well then I’m faced with what to do with that when getting involved with him would be a potentially slippery slope into a place I don’t know if I really want to be. At the same time, this would be a nice ego boost – everyone wants to be wanted, after all.
If the answer is that no, he isn’t interested in me as anything more than a friend, then I think I would be more hurt than I have been in a long, long time. I mean, what could be worse than someone who knows you incredibly well then decides that they don’t have any interest in who you really are. It’s one thing to have someone reject you who doesn’t really know you. It’s another matter altogether to be rejected by someone who does. Call me crazy, but THAT is not something I particularly want to face.
Where do I go from here? I have no idea. I love what Jel had to say when we spoke last night – she’s so encouraging. But at the end of the day, caring about someone only seems to amplify feelings of loneliness and my desire to share my life and experiences with someone which I’m otherwise pretty much able to ignore.
Talk about a rock & a hard place.
So…now what?
i’m assuming this person doesn’t read your blog?
how long have you all been friends? Do i know who this is?
do you have any mutual friends?
I assume also that he doesn’t read my blog, but even if he did, doubt he’d know I was talking about him. I was vague on purpose.
Been friends for awhile. You’ve never met him, but I’m sure I’ve talked about him before. Thing is, I wouldn’t have said much previously b/c I only recently realized that some sort of switch had been flipped.
Mutual friends? Yeah, we have some.
I pretty much was going to write what Jo did…so, guess I’ll just have to talk to you!
While it’s good that you have been friends a good long time, etc, you do realize that this puts you and mystery man squarely in the friend-zone, right? Also, I am going to assume that as a singleton you have actually read the book “He’s Just Not That Into You” as a matter of course, so you should actually know that the basic friendship is a clear sign of what he wants – friendship.
That said, I do think this is a good thing, practice-wise, you’ve found A MAN with whom you feel comfortable being yourself. Bravo! If you can practice on Mr. Mystery Meat, think how much more primed you’ll be when Mr. Right comes along.
I realize I sound like a wet blanket but I would not set any kind of hope or expectations on Mr. Mystery Friend-Zone Man other than friendship and good practice partner. To do otherwise is setting yourself up for hurt feelings later on, and the more feelings you have for him, the more feelings there are to end up getting hurt.
@Sparkle Pants – Agreed. I don’t want to be one of those girls who sits around and reads into everything to see something other than what it is. The fact that this has all caught me off-guard is a little…surprising…but I do think it’s probably best to just neutralize the situation and not get caught up too much in how I feel right now. I don’t think I’m past the point of no return yet – I think I could still talk myself out of liking him. That’s probably what I’ll do, but right now I’m still verbally processing the whole issue.
Nothing ventured…nothing gained. Don’t let fear of rejection rule your life.
I totally feel for you in regard to these sticky situations. I only had one ‘official’ boyfriend before I dated my husband. Jim and I knew each other for ten years before we started dating! We were only married in 2005. So you never know what can happen! God does work in mysterious ways. So never give up hope and never stop praying about it!