That phrase really epitomizes the awkward things we sometimes blurt out after an event where we don’t really know what to say.  When faced with situations like that, chances are the reason we don’t know what to say is because there isn’t anything we CAN say.

In the midst of the horrific tragedy this week that has affected so many people I love, I certainly don’t know what to say.  I don’t know what to do or how to feel either.  I’ve been trying to sort it out in my head, but being verbal processor, when I don’t know what else to do, I write.  So here I am.

Most of you guys reading this probably know about the climbers that were lost on Mount Hood last weekend – Luke Gullberg, Anthony Vietti, and Katie Nolan.  I didn’t personally know any of them, but Katie Nolan had been a member of my church when she lived here in Philly.  Understand that when I say “member” I don’t just mean someone who shows up on Sundays. Katie was deeply involved and richly connected with a lot of the people that I now am privileged to also call my friends.  I have heard nothing but the most heart-felt accolades from everyone I know who had come into contact with her.  The picture I have gotten is one of her as a beautiful, amazing, and dynamic individual.  She clearly loved Jesus, people, and life in general.  Katie was very special.

Right now, I’m struggling to figure out exactly where I fit into the landscape on this one.  After all, I didn’t know Katie.  She wasn’t a part of my life. I didn’t experience her.  And because of that, I feel almost as though I don’t have a right to be as upset as I am.  As if there’s only so much grief to go around and I’m somehow robbing someone of theirs who is more deserving of that emotion.  Of course when I say it like that, it sounds ridiculous, but it’s still how I feel.  But not only is this just one of the most terrible tragedies, the fact that it’s such a public tragedy puts a completely surreal layer on it.  There aren’t words to describe just how weird it is to have something like this actually hit so close.

So why do I feel so profoundly sad?  How can I so easily be brought to tears over this?  I’ve been thinking about it some and I believe the answer is complicated (go figure) but I’ll do my best try and put it into words…I need to.

First and most obviously, my heart breaks for my friends – Katie’s friends – who knew her and know the true extent of what was lost when she disappeared on that mountain.  I hurt so deeply for them, so much so that it’s as if my soul aches.

I also feel a very personal sense of loss at being cheated out of an opportunity to know Katie.  One of Katie’s closest friends here had told me about her on more than one occasion under the heading of “I think you guys would really hit it off.”  Since the tragedy, others have said the same.  From everything I’ve seen, heard, and read about Katie, I would have to agree.  We certainly seem to have had a lot in common, and her adventurous spirit naturally resonated with me.  I want to have known her, but now I won’t get the chance.  And I definitely feel like I’m the one who lost out.

I feel the most heartsick for one of my friends who was particularly close to Katie.  If I were to lose either of my best friends in such a way as this, I don’t know what I would do.  I would probably shutdown.  I might even disintegrate completely.  At the very least, I wouldn’t be able to properly function for awhile…a LONG while.  Thinking about her, I can’t even wrap my head around how she must feel…  What do you do with that?  How do you respond in the awkward space filled with shock and grief?  Probably best to not rely on Hallmark cards to lead the charge. I hate clichés which mean little when things are going well, let alone when a piece of your world has been ripped away.  And I wouldn’t dare try to speculate on what God’s plan might be in all this because…well…I’m not God.  So I sit and pray and think and cry because it’s all I really can do.

And so that’s it for now.  I can’t really think of anything else to say, so before I blurt out something stupid, I’ll just end with this:

We live in a broken, messed-up world and sometimes the things that happen in it really suck.  But at the end of the day, God is still exactly who He says He is, and He will do exactly what He says He will do.  So we can rest knowing that He is at work and one day “He will wipe every tear from [our] eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain…” (Revelation 21:4).

Right now we are in the midst of the season of Advent.  The season of waiting that leads up to the initial entrance of Jesus into the world.  Emmanuel.  God With Us.  Our Living Hope.  He came the first time to save us.  And we can live in hope and ultimate peace knowing that He will come again to completely redeem us and this screwed up world of ours.

You can hang your hat on that – Katie, Luke, and Anthony did.

In the last few weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about health and nutrition.  I’ve got a number of little annoying health issues that have been bugging me (e.g. allergies, digestion due to lack of a gall bladder, arthritis in my foot left over from when I broke it, etc.) and I’ve been looking into ways to help these issues by doing something “simple” like changing my eating habits.

This of course isn’t a bad thing to do…in fact, it’s something I should probably be a little more conscious about anyhow.  I’ve already made changes in my lifestyle over the past few years between not eating any artificial sweetners, cutting out soda, hydrogenated oils, etc. but I’m feeling more like maybe something more radical is called for.

I expressed this interest/desire to a friend of mine at church who had some fabulous insight and pointed me to a detox plan that she and her husband have been doing for years now called “The Fast Track Detox Diet“.  Yeah, I know, sounds a little hokey, but she loaned me her book and, upon reading as well as listening to her story, it has prompted me to give it a try.

At its core, the plan is a liver/colon detox plan.  As everyone knows, we’re bombarded with toxins day-in-day-out in our normal environment.  With cancer, diabetes, and obesity on the constant rise, it certainly can’t hurt to employ a little more deliberate action into our eating and even going through a periodic detox, right?  So I’ve decided to give it a go.

This plan seemed a lot more feasible to me than others I’ve read about…  For one thing, it doesn’t require a unrealistic eating regimen to be followed for weeks on end.  It’s 11 days.  I don’t know about you, but I can’t control my environment and pantry for months-on-end, but 11 days I can certainly handle…

So this week has been about reading, gathering intelligence, and getting myself psyched out to start the plan.  My friend has been a huge help since she’s as excited as I am.  Since I recognize that the stage for success is set by surrounding myself with everything I need so I’m also working through my shopping list, meal plans, and all that jazz.

Thursday is the day I’ve set aside to hit the farmer’s markets and hook myself up with all the veggies I need.  The fruits are best gotten frozen, so I’ll probably make run to Whole Foods or the like to make sure I have plenty of organics in that department.  Veggies on the list include those which are known for being especially good for the liver & colon like artichokes, broccoli, cauliflower, etc.  Of course there are supplements involved such as whey, flaxseed oil, and other fun items like that.  In addition I can’t neglect my proteins which will include free range chicken, grass-fed beef, and farm-fresh eggs.

Another aspect to this whole process is the clarity that seems to come with detox so I think journaling will certainly be in order…  Not sure how much of it will be appropriate to place on the blog, but I will post what I can just so I can share with you all how the whole process goes.  I’m even looking at possibly getting a massage in during my detox day – it’s been over 2 years since I’ve had one of those so it would most definitely be a welcome addition to the day.

In particular I’ve been told/read that the juice fast day is one of particular mental and spiritual clarity and renewal.  Have to also admit that I can’t wait to see what God chooses to use this time for and what insight He might provide me during this time.

In essence, I am committing to “eating clean” for a solid 11 days including a one-day full-out juice detox day (7 days before the fast, and 3 days after).  The more I’ve read and researched, the more excited about the prospect I become.

Detox…bring it on!

It’s that time of year again…  Time for cookies, trees, gifts, snow (if you’re lucky), songs, mistletoe, ornaments, lights, and joy at celebrating the birth of Jesus.  It’s also time for yearly updates.  Every year I receive tons of letters from my friends telling me all about the seemingly endless amounts of awesome things their kids accomplished – Johnny took his first steps, Billy said his first word, Jane walked on the moon, Susie found the cure for cancer…  And each year as I sit and read through these letters, I’m struck by just how much I have NOT done.

Or at least, the past few years have been like that.

Prior to 2005, I typically felt like I had a lot to say come December.  I was moving to or living in or traveling through amazing places – Alaska, Europe, Asia, New York City…  But then I moved back to Bucks County – not far from where I grew up – and the excitement seems to have ceased.

I debated as to whether or not to even write something for this year having felt outdone by just about everyone else out there…after all, how can you beat out someone taking their first steps?  But after some thought on the matter, I decided that perhaps it was more important do go through this exercise for 2008 because it would help me focus on finding the things that were worth mentioning.

So in the name of hoping 2008 was worth it, I give you…

2008: Year of the Rat

(I’m not making that up – check the Chinese calendar if you don’t believe me)

Let’s begin with 10 “stills” in my life (because it would be more depressing to end there – not that they’re all negatives or anything, but you know what I mean):

1. I’m still in Pennsylvania
2. I’m still single
3. I still live in the same townhouse
4. I still have the same fabulous roommate
5. I still have Chena the Amazing Dog & Brighton the Great Bird – Chena turned 2 this year and Brighton turned 10
6. I still work for the same company
7. I still have the same job…or in this environment, perhaps it’s most meaningful to say I still HAVE a job
8. I still have debt
9. I still love coffee
10. I still hate raw tomatoes

Below is a summary of 2008…such as it was:

January

I went to Atlanta to visit my family while Jo & Josh were there. I also found Dave Ramsey and decided set New Years Resolutions to lose weight, start living on a budget, and begin a plan to pay off my debt.

February

I started my budget.  I also found out that my foot which I broke in Vermont in 2005 was, in fact, still broken so I was going to have to treat it by wearing this weird bone stimulator (no, it’s not like that – get your mind out of the gutter)  10 hours/day for 6 months.  Yay.

March

Gas prices really started soaring, but I still managed to budget in a trip up to Boston to visit Esther & the girls for a long weekend over my birthday.

April

I started attending a Financial Peace University class that was being held locally and I found an amazing church…FINALLY.

May & June

Absolutely nothing of note took place.  Nothing.  May & June were a total waste this year.

July

I discovered I had a nest of yellowjackets my attic.  That was it.

August

Like its predecessors of May & June, August failed to contribute anything of interest for 2008.  I think I saw a movie.

September

The most exciting month all year!  I went to Seattle to visit Jel & Co.  A blast, as always, made even better by the fact that we had a full week to relax & hang.

October

Not as fun as September, but pretty.  Great foliage this year.  I also had new hardwood floors installed on the ground floor of my home. Oh, and I handed out candy to a lot of princesses & vampires with a few Harry Potter’s thrown in.

November

The removal of all the election paraphernalia from yards & TV was a highlight of my month, second only to the birth of my first nephew – Ronan Powell Rogers.  Yay!  And then of course there was Thanksgiving.  Yum.

December

I calculated that by the end of this year, I’ll have paid off 52% of my unsecured debt (36% of my overall debt) thanks to my budget, Dave Ramsey, and God.  I’ve lost 20 pounds of the untold amount I put on after moving out of NYC – still some to go, but I’m on the right track!  I got a Wii & a Wii Fit.

I really can’t underscore the importance of this task.  It’s huge and has required a lot of sacrifice which, in turn, has made for a relatively boring 2008.  And perhaps I should go ahead and warn everyone now that 2009 & 2010 will be going up against 2008 on that front.  In 2011, I’ll be sure to give the title of Most Boring Year to one of these 3 contenders because, let’s face it, until I get my debt paid off, I may not being doing much else between now and then…although I do foresee a trip to North Dakota to see my nephew this coming year and perhaps a smaller getaway or two if I can manage it – we’ll see if that budget will allow me that!  I became a moderator in December of last year for the GAP Adventures travel forum called The Watering Hole which, while a technically a volunteer position, carries with it some other nice perks like credit towards GAP trips which I might be able to leverage towards this end.

In closing, I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  I sincerely hope your 2008 was more interesting than mine…  But now look out 2009 – here we come!

Okay, first and foremost, I want it to be clear that I did NOT go to see this film because it was some sort of Christian movie.  In fact, I had no idea that it was until after it started, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Around 10 o’clock this morning, I got a call from my grandmother asking me if I’d like to go to the movies with her.  She said she never goes anymore, and that there was some new film out she wanted to see called Fireproof .  I agreed, of course (who among us could say “no” to their grandmother?) and looked up the times for the nearest theater on Fandango and we decided to catch an afternoon showing.

As for the film, Fandango didn’t have much to say about it, and I knew nothing.  Being a Dave Ramsey budgeter, I hardly ever go out to the movies anymore and then being a Tivo owner, I no longer watch commercials so had not seen any trailers.  So in essence, I was a totally blank slate going into this with no preconceived ideas or expectations of any kind.

The story centers around a firefighter named Caleb Holt (Kirk Cameron) and his wife, Catherine (Erin Bethea), whose marriage is on full-speed towards a divorce until Caleb’s father challenges him to hold-off on proceedings while he completes a 40-day “love dare.”  Caleb reluctantly agrees, but finds it increasingly difficult as his wife appears to slip further away as a doctor at the hospital where she works begins to vie for her affections.  Caleb presses on, however, encouraged by his father and a fellow firefighter and eventually the story meets its inevitable happy ending.  The film is supported by some good comic relief in parts, and a decent score as well.

My first thought was that the people on screen (with the exception of Kirk Cameron) really couldn’t act very well.  Then I started to see the major Christian references and quickly picked up on what kind of movie this was.  Suddenly my grandmother’s interest in this film made a lot more sense.

Great, I thought, I’ve just unknowingly signed up to watch some sort of weird, cheesy, God-flick.  Flashbacks of elementary school visits to “The Christian Cinema” in Ambler flooded over me coupled with the time I rented Left Behind (admittedly not one of my better movie choices).  I sighed inwardly and decided to just relax and see if I can’t at least enjoy some aspect of it.  At the very least, it would be kinda fun to see one of my favorite junior high crushes on the big screen for the first time since LIke Father, Like Son in 1987.

To my near-complete surprise, I found myself enjoying the film.  The acting which at first seemed contrived, actually got better as the movie progressed…or I just stopped noticing that it was poor (which is probably more likely).  I liked the characters with the exception of the doctor (whose only real contribution seemed to be that of the worst acting overall) but really found myself hoping for the happy ending.

Acting aside, my main criticism of the movie would be that it went on long after what I would have thought to be the natural end.  I understand what they were trying to communicate in that excess time, but really feel it was unnecessary.  The writers could’ve given the audience a little more credit to infer the rest themselves.

My other criticism isn’t so much specific to this movie in particular, but to these so-called “religious message” films as a whole.  I appreciate whole-heartedly what they are trying to accomplish – and indeed I would love to incorporate “The Love Dare” as part of my marriage (should I ever have one someday) but I just don’t understand why Christians feel the need to be so insanely blatant in their storytelling that they end up painting themselves into a niche corner and risk potentially turning off those they most are attempting to reach.

I’m not saying that as Christians we shouldn’t be upfront about Jesus and our faith in Him.  Not at all.  But I think that if people feel like they’re being preached to when they haven’t gone voluntarily into a church, we may not really have the impact we’re trying to.  However, if we were to just put down the Bible-shaped bat some use to beat the world over the head with and instead just show others Jesus by loving them right where they are, the results just might be surprising.

I don’t want to be too hard on Fireproof – I basically really liked it…it’s a sweet love story and I would recommended it for anyone who is in a relationship, ever has been in a relationship, or ever thinks that they may one day be in a relationship.  All I’m saying is that I think it may have drawn in a wider audience if they had spent a little more energy on character development and let the story of love, humility, sacrifice, service, forgiveness, and redemption speak for itself.  All of these things are amazingly attractive even without being framed within a full-out alter call because they are all attributes and side-effects of knowing and loving our God.  If we show the world these in our everyday lives – from the way we treat each other to the way we approach difficult situations – then we’re showing the world Jesus whether they recognize it or not, and then watch them come looking for more.

But maybe that’s just me, so take it with a grain of salt (or pepper, if you prefer), but Christian or not, I still would say go see this movie.  The story really does stand on its own; and the underlying message of love being a choice backed-up (and at times made possible) through action rather than simply feelings-based is a strong, solid one worth the time and money.

Just for fun, I’ll leave you with a link to what the New York TImes reviewer had to say about it – always good to get that objective third-partier’s 2 cents…

FIreproof: Putting Out Housefires, Reigniting Passions by Neil Genzlinger

Some of my control freak tendencies as a younger me stemmed from trying to figure out how to survive in the “real world”.  Prior to leaving my parents house, there wasn’t much I had to worry about, so I think I had more time and energy to spend being controlling about stupid things in life like the organization of my CDs.

Once I got out on my own, suddenly there were more real concerns…and these were concerns I had to face not as part of a newly married couple (as so many of my friends were), but as a single 22-year-old with no clue.  I was plagued with questions like: How do I get my utilities turned on for my new apartment?  Where’s the nearest laundromat?  What do you cook with when you have no money to buy pots & pans?  Can the human body truly subsist on mac & cheese alone?

Initially, I was also still concerned with the mundane issues like having my CDs in alphabetical order by artist, but the more busy I got with attending to the bigger picture, the more those cares and tendencies towards trying to control the little things slip away.  Today, my CDs are still more-or-less arranged by artist, but are not alphabetical and are spread across at least 5 different locations in my home so if you’re looking for a particular CD, good luck because unless it’s U2, I probably can’t tell you where it is.

I think if I were a true Type-A individual (which, as we all know is just a nice way of saying “control freak”), something like coming over and messing with my kitchen drawers or cabinets, would totally rock my world.  However, I can say with a pretty high degree of confidence that you could go ahead and do this and I wouldn’t really care.  This is not to say that I don’t try to keep my kitchen organized – I do, but not because I feel the need to be in control of my kitchen.  Rather, I just think it’s easier when all the pots, plates, glasses, and bowls are with more of their own kind.  Call me crazy, but I like not having to hunt for lids to my Tupperware. I’m also somewhat limited in cabinet space, so things have to remain somewhat organized or else it wouldn’t all fit.  Actually, the more I write about this, the more I realize that my kitchen may not really be the best illustration.

Let’s try the pantry instead.

My pantry is a crazy, assorted array of dry food and spices.  There is pasta, cans of soup, cereal, boxes of 100 Calorie packs, pudding, taco seasoning packets, and God-knows-what-else. The only things remotely organized about it are that the spices are all together on a rack and I think that the cereal is more or less on the same shelf.  That’s it.  My pantry is definitely NOT the pantry of a control freak.  Monica Geller would probably need to be hospitalized if she saw it.  My pantry is more representative of my approach to life than any other part of my house:  As long as I can find things and nothing is in danger of falling off the shelf, I’m good.

The problem with this approach to life is that it may work for my pantry, but doesn’t really fly when you’re trying to do things like a budget.  Until I started the Dave Ramsey plan in February, I’d go literally years without balancing my checkbook.  My sister would say she couldn’t understand how I could NOT balance my checkbook and I would try to explain to her how it was just one of those things I found tiresome and tedious and really not all that important.  I realize now that, while still tiresome and tedious, the balancing of the checkbook is actually very important.  Essential even.  Being on a budget and along the path to becoming debt free has forced me into a behavior pattern that does not come naturally to me – surprisingly I’m pretty good at it, but that doesn’t make it easy.  Needless to say, this has been a difficult albeit necessary shift for me.

Dave Ramsey calls people like me a “Free Spirit” (read: non-control freak) which is essentially the antithesis of what he calls a “Nerd” (read: control freak).  Marriages, he says, are generally made up with one of each.  As a Free Spirit single, having to take on Nerd activities is a real challenge for sure, but where I’m finding myself struggle the most these days is in keeping up my motivation. 9-months into my debt-free path, my interest is waning.  It was easy enough when I first started out and kicked some major debt-ass with my year-end bonus and tax refund, but the day-to-day grind is what’s bringing me down.  My monthly committee meetings with my budget accountability partner (Shanna) is a great help.  She gives me some much needed “Atta-girls” and reminds me to look at how far I’ve come since the starting point, not get caught up in how far away the finish line feels (”Are we there yet, Papa Smurf?”)

So Shanna helps.  Reading through old posts from when I first started my budget also helps.  But what I’m really getting excited about is what the next few months hold.  There are some things coming up which I feel will give me a much-needed ‘Matt Foley‘ motivational speech…and not a moment too soon.

First is a one-day seminar on Personal Finance we’re holding at The Well in November followed by a full run of Financial Peace University which we’re starting in February 2009.  In general I find there is nothing like feeding off the inspiration that comes from being surrounded by others on the same journey…

Additionally I know that as I get more involved in this area, I will be able to help encourage and support others which I think is the best form of motivation there is…  Well, that and not waiting to end up living in a van down by the river.

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”  Abraham Lincoln

A new friend of mine from The Well wrote a post today that resonated with me and, as I started to just type out a comment on her blog, I realized I had more to say than one probably should cram in that tiny comment box. Not pages and pages of thoughts, but certainly enough to warrant their own post, so here they are in all their semi-disjointed glory.

I’m not going to summarize all of Dorie’s post (you can read it yourself if you want), but in essence I think she’s been facing some tough questions as a result of watching her grandfather’s recent physical struggles. Since my grandfather just passed away a couple of years ago, I can certainly relate to where she’s coming from on that point. Additionally, I know that the passing of time and growing old in general has been something that has both thrilled and frightened me. Still does.

At the end of her post, Dorie says:

“So now I’m left with questions. How do I live my life? Do I need to change the way I live now in order to ensure my own happiness sixty years from now? Will the decisions I make today impact my ability to die with dignity?”

Wow. Talk about some really good, but really hard questions. I think we all go through times when we wonder what our lives will look like in hindsight from down the road as much as we wonder exactly what’s down that road. Anyone who says they haven’t thought through one or both of these questions is most likely in some form or stage of denial. For me, it’s been a persistent part of the “Who Am I Anyway?” essay I’ve been spent the last 34 years of my life writing…with more many more years to go.

In my senior high school yearbook, we had profiles we wrote for ourselves that I suppose was sort of a precursor to the resume. In it we could list out our accomplishments and memories over our high school “careers”. One section called for us to tell of our “Future Plans”.  This is what was listed in mine:

College, marriage, happiness, heaven.

I smile when I read that now and wonder what the 18-year-old me would have thought had someone come and told her that her so-called future plans were not going to go the way she anticipated or land her where she’d thought. Not even close. Instead, she would attend some college, live in Alaska, England, New York City and travel the world over. She would make a lot of mistakes, have a lot of heartache, but a lot of laughter too. She would date, but not marry [yet] and, finding herself still single at 34, would be okay because of the wealth of friendships she had been able to acquire through the years.

Dorie also says that she hopes she’ll “keep growing and changing well into retirement. I would hope that I would continue to do one thing that terrifies me each day until I die.” I know I would hope the same for myself, but I’ve also found that the older I get, the more cautious I’ve become. This is not to say that I wouldn’t still do things that scare me, but I’m definitely losing that total fearlessness that I think is only accompanies youth or great naivete. Some fear I think is healthy – it can keep us from making poor choices, as long as it doesn’t become so crippling as to keep us from pursuing our dreams.

CS Lewis says,

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”

Amen to that!  If nothing else, I have learned not to try and predict my life or where I may go and what things I may do.  Staying open to possibilities and opportunities has been (and will continue to be) an essential part of what makes me me.  I doubt I’ll ever be so old that I’ll not be willing to take on a little risk in order to try out something new.  Keeping in mind that the hardest things I’ve done or been through in my life so far have also led to the best experiences or the greatest times of growth.

All this is to say I don’t have the answers to Dorie’s questions – I think there’s only One who does – but what I can say is that I find the most comfort in focusing on the eternal as opposed to just the here and now. That’s the perspective I try to view my own life and circumstances in, and I hope to continue to remind myself of this as I grow older and watch my physical body cave against the push of time, taking on wrinkles, gray hair, and God-knows what else.

Since we are so limited in our vision – so nearsighted – we tend to just look at the present. It’s when the present is weighing us down that we need to stop, lift our eyes up and center our attention on the One whose hands are always holding us. He is the only thing unwavering in this sea of life which is ever-changing and unpredictable. For myself, I find I need daily reminding of this. And, since this is a lot easier said than done, continuous reminders are certainly necessary… If repetition is the mother of habit, then the more I do something, the more second nature it will hopefully become.

Now I’ve rambled quite enough, so let me end by saying that keeping perspective is the key for me when times get hard and I feel like I’ve been struck by a sandstorm while wandering in the desert. That is when I most need to (but often least want to) focus my attention on God, His big picture (even when I can’t see it). When I do this, I find the easier it is to keep everything else in perspective – including the passing of time and all of the good and fun and difficult and sad things that it brings.

So if I were asked to write that “Future Plans” section for a yearbook today, would I even dare attempt it?

Anyhow, I’ve had a lot bits floating around in my head from the day and thought I’d spending a few minutes trying to get it out on paper (or glowing monitor, as the case may be) might help me finish sorting through them.

Those of you who know me are well aware of how keen on building community I am. I think this may be one of the reasons I’m drawn so much to the PNW where the culture is much more about the outdoors and with people around town…not in lock-down at home in front of the TV or the computer.

Some of this started with my time at Redeemer where being community-minded is a way of life. Redeemer is also where I really began to see, not only the importance of community, but the biblical basis for it as well and how, as Christians, we are not only called into community with each other, but called to serve the community around us, Christian or not.

In the city it’s one thing. In suburbia this is a whole ‘nother ballgame. In fact, I’m starting to feel that it isn’t just another ballgame, it’s another sport altogether…like croquet, or synchronized swimming. And as important as it is to build and reach out to one’s community within the city (which is certainly no easy task), it is just as important to do the same in suburbia…but I think suburbia is a more difficult landscape. Allow me to explain.

Now I should probably preface my comments on this matter by saying that I look through the colored lenses of a single adult in her mid-30s, so I probably see the suburban landscape a little differently than someone who is living the typical married-with-2.3-kids-and-a-dog suburban soccer mom life (although I do have a dog). But I think that my vantage point is therefore somewhat unique.

To start with, suburbia is incredibly insular. By comparison, New York City can also be insular, but I think a greater opportunity exists to interact with one’s community in NYC. For instance, if I needed to go to the store in Manhattan, I would go down the stairs of my 3rd-floor walk-up on East 88th Street and take a stroll over one block and down to 86th to reach the nearest grocery store. While on that walk, I might run into people I knew (that happened more frequently than you’d think), but I would at least be in the company of others walking, some of whom I might even say hi to or ask a question of. A run to the grocery store now means I leave my house, close myself up in my car, drive 2.5 miles to the nearest grocery store. Assuming I manage to avoid getting into a car accident, a trip to the store now involves absolutely zero human contact.

In the city I felt I did more talking, more relationship building, and definitely more walking. My apartment was a shoebox, so I didn’t typically spend a whole lot of time there. Sundays meant walking to church, going out to dinner afterward with friends, and then walking home with some of them because we all lived within a few blocks of each other. Hello community.

Here in suburbia it often feels to me like so much is done in a vacuum. Public transportation is severely lacking and there are seemingly no sidewalks in Bucks County, so everyone is driving to work, driving to the store, staying in the house because it’s hot out, or staying in the house because it’s cold out. Getting together with others seems to take greater effort and more planning… Mostly I think that stems from those with children which only makes sense – I’m typically able to do last minute things, but I’m not concerned with shuttling little ones to piano lessons or getting people dinner.

But I think that this just makes community that much more necessary…not to mention needed. I once heard someone speculate that they believe one of reasons we’ve seen such an increase in depression with women over the last 50 years was partly due to the lack of community they (or I should say we) experience even just with each other. Women tend by nature to be more relational than men and are in need of relationships with other women. 50+ years ago, there was more of that going on – women lived and raised their children together. They had bridge clubs, quilting bees, and other ways of interacting. There’s still some of that alive and well today – seems that playdates are a big thing for stay-at-home mom’s with small children – but there certainly isn’t as much as there once was and the mental and emotional health of our communities certainly suffer as a result.

As a single adult in these crazy ‘burbs, I have come to recognize my need for community on a larger scale. Without it, life becomes very lonely very quickly. This was even a recurring theme in some of my commentary-like posts last year (Laments of a Suburban Single, Home Bittersweet Home, and Smug Marrieds). I think my understanding of my personal need for community is partly because I was “spoiled” by the community I had in NYC (if any of my New York buds are reading this, know that I really miss you guys!) which has served to show me just how important and valuable community is to my emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

It’s odd, really… As connected as we all are today with the Internet, laptops, wireless, and iPhones, these great strides of technology have also served to further enable isolation. Al told us today of a guy who changed his name legally to “Dot Com Guy” and didn’t leave his house for an entire year living solely off the Internet to pay his bills, get his groceries delivered, etc. just to prove that he could do it. How insane is that? As much as I enjoy the Internet, I don’t believe that there is any online community that can ever replace the joy of having good friends over for dinner. Not on your life.

After a day like this, I of course get fired up and want to just run out an cancel my cell phone, shut off my cable, start up a bridge club, and begin hanging out on my front porch, but I know that we can’t really run back to the 1950’s because, well, it would only really work if everyone else did it too. It was like that in NYC during the blackout of 2003 – the lights went out as did the air conditioning, Internet, TV, everything. Suddenly everyone was outside. Whole blocks were having parties because the food in their fridge wouldn’t keep, so they put it out for everyone to eat. What a unique experience, but unfortunately it only lasted a short time. So apparently we can’t bring back the 1950’s for good (not that we would want to – personally I think Wally & The Beav can stay happily in Mayberry or wherever it was they lived). But there must also be practical ways to begin reaching out to our communities in 2008.

I don’t really have the answers, so I hope you didn’t read through this whole post looking for some! I do have some ideas, but I’m still working them through so I won’t share them quite yet.

One thing I will say is I think first we have to commit to being purposeful with our interactions and look for ways to serve our communities. This is much easier said than done, but I think when we seek out opportunities and then also act on them, we are first of all showing others Jesus by loving and caring for them. I can’t think of a better way to grow and build a community than that.

It’s called The Well (http://www.thewellpa.com) and it is very artsy and young and similar in “feel” to The Haven. They meet in a warehouse that they bought and refinished.

How did this happen? Well, in a fit of Providence, I heard about it through someone who was a part of that Meetup.com group I had started. I had decided to cancel the Meetup as it hadn’t yielded much and I didn’t feel like paying for another year to keep the group going. So instead anyone who was interested was added to a new Google Group I created so we could still send out messages for events and things without the cost of the Meetup. After I sent out a message to the Google Group as an intro, I got a message back from someone who turned out to be one of the pastors at The Well saying that he thought I sounded like I might like it and should come check it out.

That was about 3 weeks ago. Unfortunately, I had just started the Dave Ramsey class at another church from 8:30-10:30 on Sunday mornings (The Well’s service starts at 10:30) so I didn’t go to visit until just yesterday because I didn’t think I’d have time to do both.

So over the last few weeks I instead floated around on their website, listened to a couple of the sermons, and had pretty much decided that I loved it – all that was left was to visit. If I liked it in person as much as I thought I would, I knew that my search would be over. I couldn’t stand the thought of having to wait another 10 weeks to go in person (which is how much longer the Financial Peace University class will last) so I instead ducked out of my class a few minutes early yesterday and drove over to The Well – turns out it’s only a couple of miles down the road.

I loved it. Clearly. One of the things I really saw on the website and in the sermons I heard online (and yesterday) was the emphasis on community – building it, living it, serving it. As a single chick in the suburbs, community becomes not just important, but essential – a lifeline, if you will. Not to mention that their being so community-minded echos also what Redeemer and The Haven, for that matter, were all about.

So I’m thrilled. I can’t wait to find out more about it and start getting involved. Praise God for such a direct answer to prayer! Wahoo!