I have received a very rude awakening recently when it comes to banks. Please understand first of all that, primarily due to my job, for the past 10 years I have always done all of my “banking” through a brokerage firm. So my checking, my savings, my investing, everything has been handled by a non-bank entity. What I am finding is that I’ve had it good.

Last October this all changed. The branch office which had been located in my work building for the brokerage was moved so it suddenly became less convenient to make deposits into my account because it would a drive and could only be done during regular business hours. If my only source of deposits were paychecks, this would not be a big deal, but I also have rental income. So I decided that, rather than be forced to visit the branch office, I would just open a local bank account so I could easily make deposits through the ATM and on weekends. Sounds like a good plan, right?

So I shopped around a bit and decided to open an account with Bank of America. They were conveniently located all across the country as well as around the corner. All was well for the first few months and then I made a deposit – my regular monthly deposit, I might add – and inexplicably, they put a delay on the funds for 10 business days. That’s 10 BUSINESS days which is otherwise known as 2 weeks! What the heck?! I called to protest and request information as to why they put such a delay on, but they couldn’t tell me. “This was an ATM deposit,” I was told, “and so we can’t see why there was a delay added to those funds, but you should be receiving a letter in the mail explaining.” (Incidentally, I did receive the letter AFTER the delay was lifted and still it gave no reason for the delay).

After that (and a few other minor infractions), I decided that I was going to close my B of A account. I removed all funds and opened an account instead with PNC (which so far has been a pleasant experience). All I had left to do with B of A was actually go in and close the thing. And then yesterday happened.

There is a recurring charge that hits my account every quarter. I thought – in fact, I’m sure – that I changed the card for the charge to my brokerage debit from my B of A debit, but apparently it didn’t take. Since I had not yet closed the B of A account, the charge hit yesterday causing my flat account to go into an overdraft.

First off, I was completely aggravated by the fact that B of A would approve a charge coming through on an account that had no money in it. Why on earth would that do that? What kind of business sense does that make? I called. I complained. I was met with bizarre excuses such as, “The card machines have no way of knowing how much money you have in your account.” Um…what? Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder? You’re joking, right? What do you mean they don’t know? You mean I could run over to the ATM and pull up my account balance electronically, but that the electronic machine at the vendor doesn’t have access to that same data? Ridiculous. It’s not like it was a paper check that came through – it was a charge on a card with a $0 account balance that had been $0 for at LEAST 3 weeks.

The rudest part of my awakening came in discussing this whole debacle with my sister last night. “All banks do that, Deb,” she told me. “They make a ton of money off fees and that’s how they do it – by approving things they shouldn’t approve so your account gets thrown into overdraft and then they can charge you $35 or whatever. It’s also how they sell overdraft protection through a savings account…or better yet, a credit card.” (Danger, Will Robinson!)

I was dumbstruck. Seriously. I had no idea. MY “bank” (read: brokerage) doesn’t do that. In fact, even if you were about to go into an overdraft, they’ll call you first and see if you can bring a deposit in. If you can, they’ll go ahead and pass the check or charge or whatever it is coming through. No fees.

I wish I could say the saga ends there, but alas.

So I had a wire transfer sent FROM my primary brokerage account over to B of A so that the freakish-never-should-have-happened overdraft would be covered immediately and would you believe that B of A has managed to charged me AGAIN – $12 for an INCOMING wire transfer!!! I mean COME ON people! Why on EARTH would they charge me for INCOMING transfers? WHY? Is that standard bank practice across the board too? I’ve NEVER heard of such a thing. Ever. I would expect to be charged when SENDING a wire transfer – that makes sense. But RECEIVING one?! What kind of insane business model is that?

That’s it for me. I’m done with banks.

First off, I’m not that old.  33 is definitely older than, say, 18 but not so much older that I can tell tales of having to walk uphill both ways to school without shoes or anything.  Granted, I’m not married yet but I do still have 75% of the American dream accounted for:  a house and a dog – I’m just missing the 2.5 kids, but I’m good with that.

What has brought on these thoughts?  My 23-year-old roommate.  In some ways having her around makes me feel younger…but then in other ways having her around makes me feel incredibly old.  I wouldn’t have necessarily thought that would be the case because she’s only a year younger than my sister Kristin, and yet it seems that there are things that come out in our conversations that make me take a step back and go “wow.”

Just so we’re clear, this isn’t about me feeling “old” and wishing I was younger.  I don’t.  Really.  I love being in my 30′s.  In fact, so far I think my 30′s are waaaaay better than my 20′s.  Even with as much fun as I had in my 20′s (moving to Alaska, living in NYC, traveling around Europe, getting the lowest salary known to man and learning how to live happily on it, etc.) I would never want to go back and repeat my 20′s.  No way.  Not in a million.  You couldn’t pay me.

While my 20′s were fun, they were also full of self-discovery and struggling to find answers to questions about my place in the world.  On the other hand, my 30′s have so far been more about having figured out a lot of that stuff and relaxing into life.  My 30′s have (so far) seen great leaps in my career including a job I really enjoy and a salary which allowed me to purchase a home as well as a puppy.  They have also brought with them the best trips I have taken to date and I have no doubt there are greater things yet to come…

Just to give you a taste, some of my pre-40 goals include:

  • Become completely debt-free
  • Move to another part of the country (or perhaps another country altogether…I’m flexible)
  • Travel to Antarctica, Africa, Australia & New Zealand, the Arctic, China, and Patagonia

It’s crazy to me that I can look at that list and know that there’s nothing unobtainable there.  I could never have imagined being able to say that about a list like this in my 20′s – for most of my 20′s, it was all I could do to pay for food!

I still have my moments (as do we all) where I’m frustrated at being unclear in my purpose or lonely (for instance, I was in tears the other night fearing that I might not find someone to share my life with while I still look good naked).  But at the end of [most] days, I rest secure in knowing that God has a purpose for me whether I can readily recognize it or not.  When I look at how He’s provided for me so far, how can I doubt that He won’t continue to blow my mind with His plans and provisioning for my future?

And I don’t mean any of my close friends, but I just want to say that I get REALLY frustrated with married people who can’t seem to ever find any time for their single friends. It just really pisses me off. I think it boils down to a matter of priorities. And the same goes for my stupid smug married friends who constantly cancel on me because of some schedule change due to their spouse.

As you might have guessed, this isn’t coming out of nowhere. One of my “new” friends has been rescheduling dinner with me for four months now. FOUR MONTHS. Every time we have it scheduled, something happens (usually the day of) and she can’t make it. Sometimes they’re very good reasons and I don’t blame her for it. Other times they’re reasons like, “Oh, well, I talked to my husband and he really wanted to go out to dinner tonight, so do you mind if we reschedule?” Well, it’s getting to a point now where I’m past understanding and getting just frustrated…especially when she cancels the day of. THAT really bugs me. I mean, it’s not as though I necessarily have anything else going on, but rather it’s just the principle of it. Don’t commit unless you really mean it. Keep your promises. Be a woman of your word. Why does that seem to be so difficult for some people??

My whole thing on why I think it’s just another case of priorities is that Dana and I have been meeting for lunch once a month whenever we’ve lived within driving distance of each other. Not only is she married, but she works full-time and has two kids and she STILL is able to carve out one afternoon a month to spend with me. Now I’m sure it’s not all about me – I’m sure she does it some for herself as well since it means she can get out of the house for a bit, etc. but still. I don’t think she has ever cancelled on me. Not once in all these years.

So the whole Lesley-thing is disappointing – and this goes for all the other women I’ve met who are married with kids and “too busy” to ever have coffee or do anything else social with me. Disappointing because I feel like saying to them, “Look, I know your life is full of people and places and things – and I’m glad you have a husband and family and all…and I appreciate that it may be difficult to find a couple of hours on a Saturday to spend with your single friend(s). But do you know how lonely us singles in suburbia are? Do you know how much we look forward to things like someone else to have dinner with – or even just spend some time talking to? Do you have any idea how much it means to us when you DO take the time out to just be a friend?”

I’m just very disappointed and tired of getting let down because, let’s face it, I’m still an optimist and so every time we reschedule and I come into work on the day we’re supposed to get together, I’m still excited and keep thinking, “Surely she won’t cancel this time!” So when she does, I’m just bummed out all over again. And I don’t feel like I can tell her this because, well, 1) we’re not good enough friends yet; and 2) it would just make her feel badly because she is a very sweet and sensitive person and I don’t want to do that to her.

And so as with so many things like this, I’ll cry a little, throw it in our blog, and outwardly suck it up.

And I’m back after a week away visiting Jo & Joshua (which you can read all about if you haven’t already). Weird, wild stuff. But now I’m back at work and trying desperately to get comfortable in my own place.

So of course it was so great to be back with Chena again! There was a lot of excitement and peeing that went on during our reunion (she did the peeing – I was just excited). This was the longest I’ve ever left her for and I missed her.

Apart from my joy in seeing her, I’m really sad to be back home. Not so much because I’d rather be in North Dakota (I’d love to see someone make that sentiment into a bumper sticker…), but because I just don’t want to be HERE. I have said on more than one occasion that I don’t particularly care for living in this part of the country. I have often gone on to say that if I have to live here, then I would at least be in NYC. But alas, I’m not.

Most New Yorkers have a love/hate relationship with the city, however the love usually outweighs the hate. For example, I adored all the people – even though that meant dealing with a few crazies. I loved walking everywhere – even though that sometimes meant walking in the rain or bitter cold. I loved how easy it was to travel from New York – even though that meant lugging my suitcase around with me all day when I was set to depart after work. See what I mean? In any case, the things that could bug me about New York are the things I don’t have to deal with out here in suburbia – but I also miss out on the things I loved, and since the loves outweighed the hates, it’s torturous to me that I not only have to live on the East Coast, but have to live outside of NYC.

But what can be done?

Things being what they are, not much right now. Since my ultimate goal is to move to the Pacific Northwest (preferably Seattle, but maybe Portland), I fail to see the logic in trying to move back into New York at this point (the process of moving in or out of NY is definitely one of my hates). By the same token, I don’t know how far out on the horizon a move to SEA or the like might be and I don’t relish the thought of spending an indefinite amount of time here.

I don’t want to say I feel as though I’m in a rut, but maybe in a way I am… From a work perspective, my career is going great. Yay. But socially, I’m barely functioning.

Another birthday has just flown by and I feel as though I’m in the same position I was a year ago (except that a year ago I had just returned from hiking the Inca Trail and hanging out in the Amazon). My fear is that if the same is true next year and I’m sitting at my desk (again) after the passing of another birthday (again) with nothing having changed (again) or looking as though I’m any closer to being able to get out of here, I may just crack.

Consider yourselves warned.