Online Dating Sucks

I know…I haven’t written anything since a couple of weeks ago so those of you who read it that I haven’t spoken to recently are probably wondering what’s going on. Let me warn you right off, this post is going to be about me venting. Nothing more, nothing less.

To begin with, I titled this “Online Dating Sucks” because…well…it does. Sucks like a big ‘ol freaking Hoover.

One of my biggest beefs with the whole process is that I feel that the online venue allows for people who might otherwise lack the social skills to enter into a dating relationship in the normal course of life. This is not to say that it always attracts socially inept individuals (case in point, myself) but it does seem to cater to them. After all, how easy is it to meet women from your hiding place behind a computer? You don’t even have to be yourself if you don’t want. No one’s going to make you be honest. No one’s going to call you out on not being true to who you really are. No one’s even going to know that the picture you posted is a 10-year-old glamor shot from the mall and doesn’t even remotely look like the non-airbrushed you who, incidentally, weighs an additional 40 pounds and no longer has hair. I’m just saying.

Again, I understand that the online thing works and has worked for a lot of people. For me however, it has yielded less-than-favorable results.

In addition to the “protection” that online dating provides, I also feel like it lends to microwaving something that really ought to be slow-cooked. You may or may not like someone within the first few seconds of meeting, but that doesn’t mean the jury should immediately render a verdict. Most recently I discovered I had an attraction to someone that I had known for months and would never have thought I’d be interested in…but getting to actually know him was what changed that. Online dating doesn’t allow for this. Instead, I think we lean towards calling the jury back prematurely rather than looking to maybe begin a friendship. Seriously, where’s the fire people? Stop running around with your hose! (No dirty pun intended) Why not calm down, relax, and enjoy the ride!

But that is not what happens.

Allow me to elaborate by sharing with you my typical online match-up experience which has gone something like this…

  • In a fit of optimism, I join eHarmony (or match.com or the like, but for the sake of this example and the fact that I’m on eHarmony right now, I’ll stick with that).
  • I see a lot of profiles and a few of which I actually like.
  • One of us reaches out through eHarmony’s “Guided Communication” process.
  • We take a few days to work our way through all of the Q&A sessions and end up finally going back and forth through site-handled email.
  • We exchange phone numbers, and then someone makes the first call.
  • We talk. It usually goes well because, let’s face it, it’s hard for a standard small-talk discussion to go badly.
  • We decide to meet up (usually sooner rather than later) for dinner/coffee/what-have-you.
  • The night of the “big date” arrives with little (if any) fanfare.
  • Afterwards, the guy typically proceeds to fall off the face of the planet…or at least they seem to.

The End.

Sometimes I’m disappointed when this happens. Most of the time I expect it. This last time out was no different. Experience has taught me not to get hopes up. That if you must be optimistic, do it with caution signs. “Danger: Potential Flaky Guy Ahead”. Yeah, you ain’t just whistling Dixie.

As I said in my previous post, I was cautiously optimistic about this last guy. On paper, he seemed great. Said all the right things, did all the right things…with gusto, I might add. In our conversations he even implied that, while we may not be each others “perfect match,” that was no reason to think that we wouldn’t still be friends, at the very least. It seemed to fit… Our interests were similar. As were our personalities. And, while I really don’t think that ending up with someone just like me would be a good idea (how would anything ever get done??), I definitely thought there was friend potential. My mistake.

We had our date last Friday night. I didn’t sense a true click (read: chemistry) like you do when you meet someone you think you could see yourself with, I still finished the night thinking, “Gee, that was fun. He’s pretty cool. I definitely see friendship” only to find after the weekend was through that he didn’t feel the same way…or at least, that’s what I assume. See, after receieving dozens of text messages and spending hours on the phone, since our outing, he has barely seen fit to respond to any communication from me. Well, whatever.

The thing that pisses me off really is that interested or not, to disappear on someone is just rude. It goes against everything your mother (hopefully) taught you about basic, polite social behavior. How about a little respect fellas? Why not at least say, “Hey, didn’t really feel a connection, but I still had a nice time hanging out with you”? What’s so difficult about that? I mean unless your dinner/coffee companion threw a drink in your face and called your mother ugly, there’s really no excuse to not at least manage a pleasant “Adios” after the date is done for the sake of closure if nothing else.

But the sad thing is that this is what I’ve come to expect because this is what happens again and again and again. If it weren’t for the fact that I have solid friends who would tell me if there was something I was doing that provoked this behavior, I might be tempted to think that it is somehow about me. Something I’m doing or not doing that’s screams “It’s okay to blow me off” to these guys.

Thankfully, I’ve also had relationships in the past that have lasted (none of which were begun online, I might add) and so I know I’m capable of being in a relationship and being a good girlfriend. I am. Promise.

Even so, since the only common denominator in these stories is me, it’s difficult to not feel like somehow I’m bringing this on myself…but how can you really know? That’s where you come in.

I’m really hoping that this post finds its way onto the computer screens of not just my extended circle of family and friends, but that some other women out there who have maybe had similar or otherwise frustrating experiences with the online dating scene and may find my thoughts resonating with them.

So please forward the link to anyone single women you know, or if you are one, I’d love to get some feedback or hear other people’s stories…and not the ones that are all about someone you know who met their husband/wife online. I’ve had enough of those. Right now I just need to know that I’m not alone…and/or crazy.

I’ve done enough venting, but thanks for listening. Now it’s time for you guys to weigh-in…please! And while you do, I’m going to sit back in a chair on my fabulous patio in the warmth of late Spring, enjoy a beer, and be thankful that I have such a great life even though there’s no man in it (online or otherwise)…yet.

48 thoughts on “Online Dating Sucks

  1. You have to explain how OVER THE TOP he was excited to go out with you – 32 texts in one day! He texted you nonstop and he called you constantly. He did all that – not you! Pre-visiting the restaurant to make sure it was nice enough. Not one but TWO mix CDs made in advance for you. I could go on.

    So to not even send a “hey, nice to meet you in person, not sure there is a connection but sure great to meet up” is so crazy beyond social norms I can’t even understand it. He was hyper over the top quasi-manic almost stalky in advance . . . so the lack of polite, social-norm follow through, is just plain weird.

    Can’t wait to see what other’s say who have online dating stories. I for one, and I met him, think it’s so tacky as to be shameless.

    Take that with your hip, wanna-be-glam, metro blue shirt and matching blue Mazda! Twit.

  2. AMEN SISTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i could increase the font 20x’s i would…es, you ROCK and said it all.

  3. ok, i have one more thing to add…any normal human being would have AT LEAST followed through with a simple “thank you for your time”. here Deb is driving not to see him, but to see her friend in a previously arranged visit, and took time out from her visit w/said best friend to meet him. as i ranted before to Deb, he should have called and thanked her, and es, for simply taking the time. who cares if there was nothing there…anybody who has any manners at all, regardless of romantic hopes, would have shown that minimal amount of respect. total twit.

    es, you forgot to mention the Hello Kitty stickers….WHO DOES THAT?

  4. OMG it’s NOT YOU!!!!!!!!! Same thing has happened to EVERY single woman I know, including yours truly, multiple times! I think you’re exactly right about the no social skills/hiding behind your computer thing.

    Gotta kiss alotta frogs : ) Or maybe just meet them for dinner…

  5. Hey WriterBee, I totally know what you mean. I joined eHarmony too about 6 years ago had immediately the same experience, only found out that the person I was matched with, spoke to by phone and then met for coffee was someone who went to my church… it made it more “homey” kind of when I did meet them, like, wow, never knew you did… bla bla bla, but truth is, I felt him sizing me up right there in the conversation so I tried to be as nice as possible and get out. He never returned any calls after that either, and I saw him at church and he acted like an usher, telling me where to sit or whatever if I was coming in to sit down… it was stupid. I became friends with some people who knew him and I found out that it was a good thing I didn’t have any time wasted being deluded that he was the right person. The issue was my expectation. When your slate is blank, you tend to want to fill it, even if it’s with your imagination.

    Funny thing is the next person who wanted to meet me was also from eHarmony which I tried again this past summer… I quit after this and will only meet people who I can talk to first, perhaps through videos.

    I’ll let you know what happens! I learned the same way you did that eHarmony isn’t my preferred place to meet anyone! A 49-dimension quiz is able to be faked by ignorant people apparently! I am thinking about joining a site the name of which i forget… I’m trying to remember who referred me to it so I can ask them what it was! Isn’t that terrible! I don’t think online dating is to blame for these experiences, just eHarmony!!

    Buzz on WriterBee, it wasn’t you!! You’re a great gal, a lot of heart, and the disappointment that that skunk didn’t see it should be short lived when you realize he probably was hoping for someone sleazy! :)

  6. IT’S NOT YOU!!!!!!

    You hit the nail right on the head. UNFORTUNATELY for the single gals out there, online dating sites allow for too too many guys to who are otherwise socially inept to get out there, pose as someone they are not, and waste our time.

    I can not believe how rude these idiots have been to you!

    I love Brooke’s comment “The issue was my expectation. When your slate is blank, you tend to want to fill it, even if it’s with your imagination. ” So true.

    I myself do not think that I will ever meet someone online. Of course, I’d have to try longer than six hours (my plentyoffish.com experience lasted six hours, until a guy whom I ignored called me “chunky”).

    Sure it would be fantastic to have a mate, but it has to be right.Right guy, right timing.

    It’s not you!!!

  7. That guy was just FUBARed and does not have the social grace that God gave to a Yak.

    I love you! And you are just exactly the right person you need to be!

  8. My take on the “never hear from them again” phenomenon is that either (a) your cup size wasn’t big enough; or (b) you weren’t showing enough of it to satisfy them.

  9. Yes – I know what you mean. I had the same experience here in Ozland with a site called RSVP.com.au … those pictures are ‘interesting’ and the description of 6 foot obviously varies depending on whose measuring you.

    I gave up on the whole ‘online’ thing but went for a similar version ‘face to face’ thing where I paid some organisation called ‘it’s just lunch’ to screen the blokes! :) Seemed a lot safer, after all if the conversation isn’t going well you can say you have a meeting to get back to. About to get married to the first one I met which is pretty crazy and we have a nine month old…wierd ole life.

  10. Let me say I admire you for giving the on-line dating thing a try. I don’t think I would be so brave, so good for you for at least giving it a shot. I can think of quite a few friends who would echo your experiences. I think the points you made, your frustrations, are all valid ones. I especially liked the one about microwaving vs slow-cooking. A relationship does take time and needs to be nurtured. And, no, I don’t think it’s you.

  11. I am in total agreement with you – online dating totally sucks.

    I turned 40 this year. By my age I was meant to have acquired a doting husband and at least two adoring children, yet here I am still suffering the horrors of online dating. How many times have I said ‘never again’ … but, like a bad hangover, with the passing of time you forget how much it knocked you sideways.

    Let’s take a rational look at why the odds are stacked against women:

    • Women are quite OK with dating older or younger men… yet a huge percentage of guys are only looking for a younger woman
    • Search in your age category – I would put money on their being double the amount of women that there are men
    • Add these two statistics together and you get a bountiful hunting ground for guys, and a challenging landscape for women of my age

    Aside from the statistics, there are some inherent problems – many of which you mention. The lurking weirdos who lack social skills or are borderline psychopathic (I met one of the latter description recently, who sadly I built my dreams around, not realising he was crazy). Which leads me nicely to yet another pitfall… artificial intimacy. How easy it is to build castles in the sky… wrap your romantic dreams around someone who looks like Hugh Grant, reads like a fairy tale… and appears to be wonderful in every way…until you meet him and realise how far he is from what you imagined/how he presented himself…back to Earth with a thud.

    All in all, the experience more often than not leaves me feeling hugely demoralised. It is like being in a big box of chocolates, and fancying yourself as the Cherry Royale, but ending up feeling like the hard caramel with the nut in the middle that gets left in the box.

    I hope this gives you some consolation… that it is merely hazardous terrain, rather than being an indictment on you. I think we are similar in some ways – self sufficient, independent and reasonably clever women who haven’t needed a man to lean on… I think it was Jung who said that a measure of mental health is the extent to which you can be content in your own company… I think there are plenty of married folk who look upon us with envy and wish they hadn’t made the decision to wed. I just spent the day at my friend’s place, helping with her 3 year old’s birthday party… and ducking the friendly fire between them, which wasn’t that friendly at times… I got home, closed the door, and felt quite happy that I didn’t have to curl up next to a man that I found regularly annoying.

    Anyway, enough waffling. I just wanted to say ‘I know how you feel’… because I truly do.

  12. I hate to break this to you but dating in general sucks. It’s not for the faint of heart or smart of brain. I would tell you not to give up, but since that is exactly what I did, I’ll just say good luck.

  13. I’VE TRYED MATCH.COM AND PLENTY OF FISH..THEY ALL SHOULD BE CALLED SIMPLY ‘PLAYERS.COM’.. BECAUSE THATS WHAT ALL THESE GUYS ARE. THEY DATE 5 OR MORE WOMEN AT A TIME FROM THE SITE (WHICH DOESNT REALLY SURPRISE ME OR BOTHER ME) BUT THEY JUST DONT KNOW ‘HOW’ TO DO IT. THEY COULD BE CONSIDERATE AT LEAST BUT LIKE YOU SAID THEY ARENT CAPABLE OF EVEN THAT..ITS SAD. THEY THINK WE DONT KNOW WHAT THERE DOING..BUT WE DO AND WHEN WE FIND OUT WE BECOME UNINTERESTED..AT LEAST I DO. WHO NEEDS THAT. THERE JUST A BUNCH OF IDIOTS WHO DONT KNOW HOW TO REALLY TREAT A REAL WOMAN

  14. Woa! It was *SO* nice to hear something that sounded like my experiences and made it feel like it wasn’t *just* me! I think my biggest gripe IS that the online dating thing is “microwaved.” I like the mystery of finding out about a person slowly and building that realtionship. With online dating it’s all about fullfilling these requirements. And with chatting online and e-mails before meeting it’s easy to expose yourself emotionally. So when you DO actually meet the person it’s like you’re technically 2 months into the relationship with all that you’ve divulged and talked about but it’s akward because you haven’t expressed these things IN PERSON.

    I dunno. It’s frustrating. And you either have the men who are just looking for a good time by “winking” at you or you have the men who are looking for the future mom of their 10 kids as well as being their soulmate. It’s just too many expectations to have for a person when meeting them. I don’t like the dates to feel like interviews and being scrutinized and having to answer lists of compatibility questions. Can’t two people just go out and have a good time and enjoy the company? Does it really have to be so formalized?

  15. It’s not that on line dating sucks. It’s that people have unrealistic expectations about it. They e-mail back and forth and fill out questionnaires so they think they “know” the person. In reality, on line is and should be treated solely as a vehicle to connect with people to meet in person. After you finally meet, you still have to do the work of getting to know them just as you would any stranger you met off line that asked you out or whom you asked out.

    BROOKE: All that research about the pastor makes you sound like a stalker. The guy wanted to meet you on line because to reveal that much information about themselves to then find out he wasn’t even remotely attracted to you seemed weird to him. You demanded he do that instead of meeting him off line so he said: uh-oh perpetual on line pen pal alert, was turned off, and wrote you off. Here’s a tip: next time, meet the guy. Just make sure you do it at a public place and don’t reveal your address. Meet them there.

    Why do guys evaporate after they meet you off line? They liked your personality well enough to ask you out, but they did not think you were attractive to them physically when they met you in person. They had already revealed they liked the inner you and to fess up they wouldn’t continue to see you after that would brand them as shallow. Rather than risk a confrontation, they poof! Others are just getting their feet wet after a nasty divorce, the loss of a dead spouse etc and their date with you reminds them the hurt is too fresh so they divorce themselves from the date entirely by never contacting you again. I have had this happen time and time again and I no longer take it personally. I simply spell out that I am not going dutch or paying for anyone. That way my only investment is a little bit of ego so I can brush myself off and say next!

  16. Loved the post :)

    As a woman in my early thirties I’ve given up on online dating — I met too many liars, users and men who pretended to be something they weren’t.

    (Dude, if you’re going to secretly use me to make your ex-girlfriend jealous, at least have the decency to enjoy the ride and remember my name.)

    I think online dating’s a GREAT projection machine — I’ll project my fantasies, you project yours, and let’s just hope they meet somewhere betwixt the two.

    But unfortunately, I also think that the majority of men (and I’m only saying men, because I only dated men) online are looking for hook-ups.

    If that’s what you’re looking for too, great, but in my world “long-term relationship” was never code for “quickie”.

    As hard as it is to meet men in Real Life, I don’t want to be objectified and rejected so coldly for not measuring up to a fantasy any more.

    I too experienced men disappearing after they’d met me — am I a woman or just a “faulty product” to be put out for recycling?

    Call me bitter, flame me for being jaded, but I think that for women looking to make a genuine connection with men online dating is great for lowering your self-esteem and…not much else.

  17. This past August, just after my 57th birthday, I started an email correspondence with a match.com guy … he was very attentive, told me he thought we came from the same culture, that I sounded like I was fun and that he wanted to hear more. He encouraged me to use iChat on my mac (which I hadn’t done before) and after 2 weeks of exchanging emails, we spoke on the phone for over an hour. The next day he emailed that I was “real sweetheart” and we arranged to meet a few days later with another friend to attend an art gallery opening. He knew I was nervous and that meeting him was way out of my comfort zone. So we met, the three of us had a great time, he did most of the talking, he is a professor and very well known and quite full of himself it seemed.

    Although his profile said he is 6’1″, I am guessing at best he is 5’11″. I am 5’9″ and was wearing clogs. I think this might have unnerved him a bit. At any rate, had a good time, thought he was better looking in person than I was expecting, I looked forward to seeing him again, getting to know him better. (his wife of 25 years died of breast cancer 5 years ago so I felt tenderness for him). Its now been almost 3 weeks. Have not heard a single peep out of him. Not a thank you, not a did you get home safely? (I live 90 minutes drive from where we met). I emailed him a few times, told him I had a good time, told him I wished he would say something …….. but NOTHING. It has been very discouraging to me and I have been very depressed about it. Its not that I am depressed over losing him … I barely knew him of course …. it was the expectation for sure … but also its so shocking to me that someone can be so MEAN. And he is 61 years old. My god !!!!!
    Your blog has made me feel better and I hope this helps you. Bottom line, there are some huge jerks out there …. and you never know them just by looking at them.

  18. I think the problem is that both men and women spend too much time emailing each other. Dating sites should only be to get the basics understood (you look like this, you are this age/race/height-weight/you have this kind of job, you have children or you don’t, you smoke/drink, and your favorite activity is this). After this basic info is exchanged, you need to have a brief phone call to set up a date. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU MOVE THE ENCOUNTER TO A FACE TO FACE SITUATION IN A SAFE ENVIRONMENT BEFORE YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME EMAILING OR CALLING ON THE PHONE.

    Human beings, like many other animals, react to non-verbal cues in the mating process. This may include smell, extended eye contact, posturing, limb manipulation. Without the ability to interact within these cues, both male and female party may start to psychologically compensate by “building” cues based on their own expectations, prejudices, desires, past experiences, hopes and fears. Because these cues are not manifested by the appropriate party (your potential mate), it is easy to misconstrue who and how the other person actually is, and how they may actually be compatible with you.

    For example, how many times have you had extended phone calls, for weeks on in, with someone you encountered on a dating site, and during those conversation, you project the other persons appearance, nuances, mannerisms, and the like. And when you finally meet them, it’s nothing like you projected?

    Women and men are guilty of this. Women: Don’t put too much stake in an attractive photo and magical words. The upper echelon men are more apt to find women in person, and are using the Internet as an efficient way to find quick sexual encounters.

    Men: Don’t marry the woman with words. It’s just a profile and a potential date; not your life partner. She may look and say the right things, and she may be a breath of fresh air, but don’t put the cart before the horse and assume you two are destined to fall in love before you get to know her.

    Hope this helps.

  19. Man I am glad I stumbled on this blog I was getting to the point of depression, wondering what was wrong with me and am I the only woman this happens too. Just got let down yesterday, guy I had been talking to for almost a month, said he liked me but just don’t have much time with work, family, looking for a house and bla bla bla.. Background on this fella (drum roll please). He is 40 “never married” no children, moved back from NY been living in a hotel for almost 5mo. We went out and talked and emailed ant txt whole 9 frickin yards. He was even calling me every day, he would tell me he was a one woman man la la la la, and a bunch of other poop. Asked him if he wanted to go the NE game I had tickets, instead of sure or wish I could he asked how good are the seats :(, then he tells me remember I am going to my sister’s up in Des Moines IA to share her b-day with her. Why did he not call me back until I emailed him and said hey are you still alive. He emailed me back 3 days later, “I have been meaning to tell you this and I don’t want to keep you hanging anymore but as you see I took my profile down off of match (he did that when we 1st met) but I have met someone I think my family members set me up for this, but as you know I am a one woman man. I emailed him back nicely the jist ok bull crap have a good life and lose memory of me. This happens time and time again, usually not as long as this one. I am sick of it I am a descent woman and I know it. JUST ANGRY that’s all. :(

  20. Wow. I really needed to read this. I too have been dealing with these same issues. I have also come to the conclusion that dating websites are ineffective. I have found that all the men I have met on them are looking to hook up and thats it. I thought it was me. The whole dating website thing has left me bitter. I know not all men are as shallow as the ones I have met through online dating, but its made me want to swear off dating till I am 30. I am 26 now. Like that will help???? Thanks for writing and replying though, it makes me see that I am not alone. Which is really good for me right now. :) :)

  21. Just wanted to add that it’s not just men that do the disappearing act. I’m gay and therefore date women :) And women too just disappear without so much as a “thanks, but no thanks”. :( So it’s not a male thing per se. It seems to occur more in online dating than dates obtained through friends/work etc. But then again, maybe not.

    If I’m feeling gracious, it’s because people are unsure how to word “thanks, but no thanks” without offending/hurting the other person, so instead they stick their heads in the sand and ignore their problem – because it *does* eventually go away. People shoot messengers and being the bearer of bad news is not an enjoyable prospect. Neglect can take care of a lot of problems…

    If I’m feeling less gracious, they’re selfish, rude people who have no empathy and even fewer manners! How frickin’ hard is it to come up with something like: “It was great meeting you, but I’m not sure this is going to work out. I wish you good luck with your search! All the best”. You only have to come up with it once and you can copy and paste it to everyone you meet and run away from! Grow a frickin’ spine!

    I think that dating sites should have a page on “Polite ways to let someone go if you think it’s not going to work.” But I guess that looks bad for business. Having googled this a lot I know that some people claim they’d rather NOT be told and that they’d prefer to be left hanging. So perhaps online dating sites should have a tick box in the ‘About Me’ section: “If you want to dump me, I would prefer a ‘thanks, but no thanks’ message – yes/no” Then, if you’ve clicked ‘yes’, all they have to do is hit a “dump them” button, and an automatic “thanks, but no thanks” one-liner is mailed is to you!

    Sigh….

  22. You’re right on target. everything you said is perfectly true. You’re not alone. I’m a fairly decent looking woman with lots of great things going for me. Yet, I find that online dating is not for me simply because of the kind of crowd it draws as you so very well described. I’m terribly impressed with your ability to call these Socially inept neanderthals out for what they are.

  23. Sadly your experiences are shared by the other gender. I’ve ‘chatted’ with women who wonder if I could dump my kids (strange question to ask a widower) , insisted they be the kids’ mother, suddenly experience age changes (very wierd – seen it go in both directions), an the best was decided to mark her status as a widow because her ex (whom she hated…) had died and she ‘felt’ like one.

    I have had one date – a disaster would be an understatement. In her profile she:
    1 – Loved her job – turned out she hated it and was going part time
    2 – was of average build – okay, since when is 50 lbs overweight (her estimate) average, I call myself average and I am 6′ 1″ and 205 lbs – and can still see my toes when I stand:)

    Too many silly memories of it to publish all.

    So – the problem is, I guess, we can give up on what we want, or bear the lunatics with a smile. Sadly, having the ability to hide behind the inetrnet has either brought out the nut cases, or simply encourages some incredibly bad manners.

    Personally – I am going to stick with it for a bit longer

  24. Reading this blog gave me this strong sense of deja vu. I’ve experienced everything you describe. I too have sat and pondered whether it’s just me or whether dating in general sucks or whether online dating just attracts socially inept neanderthals. I tend to lean more towards the latter in all honesty. However, I’ve had slightly better luck meeting people via online activities such as news groups or hobbies as opposed to dating sites. I think that this has to do with the fact that it is somewhat mimicking the randomness of participating in everyday real world activities that lead us into meeting as opposed to sifting through hundreds of pictures like we are shopping from a mail order catalog. Which brings me to my next point. And before I get too far along, I want to point out that I am speaking from a female perspective and don’t mean to be solely ripping on men here. I understand that there are flaky women out there too. But……..

    From my online dating experiences both personal and via girlfriends, I think that a lot of the men who utilize online dating sites see them as meat markets. They browse, shop and discard with no thought about the fact that there is another person with feelings on the other end. A lot of the men who go to these sites are looking solely for sex. I would almost bet that about 75% of them are there for a hookup. So in a nutshell, I do think these sites do attract socially inept neanderthals. I don’t see the point in paying for these services. Especially e-harmony which charges something like $50. Your chances of meeting the socially inept are just as good on free sites such as okcupid, plenty of fish or myspace which are free.

  25. This is all SO true. Really if you are adult enough to go on dates you should be adult enough and polite enough to end them. NOTHING is worse in dating than disappearing on someone or ignoring their calls. I think you really hit the nail on the head with this statement:

    One of my biggest beefs with the whole process is that I feel that the online venue allows for people who might otherwise lack the social skills to enter into a dating relationship in the normal course of life.

  26. This blog sounds just like my experience! I’ve had a barrage of good emails, texts, phone conversations, first dates, only to have them disappear not long after they meet me. What doesn’t make sense is, I’m 26, physically attractive, educated and I have an easy-going personality. Thinking back to the dates, I looked nice and I don’t feel as though I really did anything wrong….but regardless, the rejection still hurts. As a result, I’m thinking about quitting the online dating (at least until I feel better).

    All I can assume is that the guys on those websites are abnormally superficial. If you aren’t their exact fantasy, they quickly move on someone else without notice. And not to sound like some kind of hypocrite, but that’s the very reason some of them are single.

  27. David’s right. Dating sucks no matter right. I’ve done it all: Only Lunch, Speed Dating, Singles Weekends.
    I’ve begged friends for set-ups, gone out night after night, (trying to be friendly and open- to meet a guy!?) I’ve joined clubs and activity groups galore.
    What is my problem?? No idea?? Went to a therapist for 2 years, who seemed to conclude I am a normal (above-normal??) person who tries to deal with life and setbacks with realistic optimism. I have a university degree, an awesome career, have traveled the world, parachuted, skiied, scuba’ed, met world leaders, love pets, have my own place. For men-I think I’m relatively attractive. I’ve got huge breasts, love sex and enjoy cooking.
    I go on date after date after date. At some point around date 2 or 3, they all seem to go to the Island of Lost Men, where apparently they can longer text, email.
    Unlike many women, the “FADE” doesnt bother me, the alternative being some man telling you,”You are really nice but, I don’t want to see you bc I think you are too fat, too flat chested, butter faced, over-educated, under-educated, too slutty, not slutty enough, I’m seeing my ex again, I have commitment issues, just lost my job, have a tiny penis I’m afraid to show….” I mean-REALLY- do you want to hear that? If they fade-it’s prob one of the above, in which case, who cares, you can’t fix his head case.
    I just wish I could meet a great guy to get married and have a family with.
    Some people say that’s desperate. I think that says something really tragic about the state of society.
    If one more person tells me to just be happy with myself, and then I might find someone, I’ll scream. I’m not sure how much happier to be. It’s not like I’ve been living life on half speed , waiting for the phone to ring.
    The solution: none. Dating is hard, hard WORK. People who write pithy things like “just get out there and have fun” have no idea… After a full day of work, gym, why am I considered some sort of spoilsport for wanting to go home and crash w/ a well deserved glass of wine and relax. Or do things marrieds take for granted–like go home and do laundry, pay bills, catch up on reading, etc..
    Instead now I have to drag myself out for some date or activity and meet really gross sub-par guys. Am I picky? Well-I’d like to meet a guy who is kind of like me -about equal in looks, career success, intelligence. Some people would say that at 35, yes, that is picky. That Gottlieb woman would definitely tell me so.
    Solution: Nothing good. Give up. or keep trying if you don’t want to be single. Some people say, it happens when you arent looking. In my experience, I’m not sure how that happens. It has NEVER happened when I wasnt looking!! I never met the man of my dreams walking down the street like some kind of magical menthos ad, or some hot stranger buying me a cup of coffee at starbucks, or the sexy millionaire moonlighting as the pizza guy bringing me my Margherita with a side of LOVE. Sorry guys- life ain’t a Jen Aniston Rom Com!(Now- that’s another topic there!)
    I choose to keep dating online bc statistically it is one of the best places to possibly meet an actual single man. You’ve got to be savvy and awake. After years of online dating, my current strategy is:
    - Be a member of multiple dating websites(I am currently on POF and Connecting Singles)
    -Be very clear about your parameters. What are your dealbreakers? Make sure those are stated in a positive way.
    -There are a lot of guy trolling for chat to supplement a failing relationship, or single guys in PuA scene just looking for sex and hookups. Make no mistake, there are alot of cheating and slutty woman who are a perfect match for these people. Make sure you identify yourself as a different grade of person. My hope is that using meaningful words like: MARRIAGE, LONG TERM, CHILDREN, COMMITTMENT is like holy water and a cross to these vampires. Will it send men running like roaches in the light? Maybe. Should it? No, not the good one I want anyway. Will some sociopathic a%%holes try and get through to me anyways? You bet. Is that just like life where some people are liars and cheats? Yes. Get over it. Repeat mantra. Dating is hard work.
    -Get to the first meeting soon.Put time limits on emailing and chats.If the guy doesn’t want to meet you within two weeks, he’s a time waster. He may still be in a relationship, or he’s too socially inept or emotionally damaged to handle a real live human woman. A week of chat. Maybe a week of text/call. If he doesn’t want to meet after that-conclude the dialogue.
    -You’ll find 90% men lie about their height. Rule of thumb. For anyone listing a height under 6′, they are actually 2 inches shorter than the stated height. 5’8=5’6. If they are actually over 6, the need to lie is not there.Because I always wear heels, I now list my height WITH heels. And yes-sorry-height is important. I feel like I’m kissing my nephew at the end of the night or I feel like a big gross amazon woman when I am with a man inches shorter than myself. Men have physical deal breakers for women ie. height, ethnicity, hair color. That’s mine for a guy.
    - Patty- the Millionaire Matchmaker- says you need to be dating a spare and a pair. She’s right. Too many women get fixated on that one guy who was sending them cool texts and getting them emotionally involved, and then when the guy vanishes, the women panic. Be corresponding with a few men at once. Be quick to dismiss no shows. Be quick to refuse shoddy behavior. Some guy is giving you excuses why he can’t meet you this week? Who cares- you are going out w/ someone else? Your indifference may actually jar a pansy from his slumber. If not- he wasnt going to get serious anyway.
    -Find ways to make the first date quick. 60-70% of the guys you meet, you will want to have one quick drink w/ and then escape. Lunch is great. (Great to meet you! Gotta run back to work!) A drink after work can be ok, especially if you can try and find an out. (Sorry-tonite will have to be quick- I’ve got to scramble off for dinner w/ a friend!) Occasionally-your date will be someone great. Wonderful, that’s what a second date is for!
    -Don’t want to date him again? It’s always a hot debate about how to let someone down. Personally, I employ a female version of the fade. I find cheerful friendly follow up texts and emails are too easily construed as encouragement.Silence says all I want to say. I’ve already got so many friends that I can’t give my time and love to. I don’t need friends- I need a life partner. I don’t want to send out false encouragement. Is that bitchy? I feel like it’s bitchier to tell someone “I am really sorry but the fact you were missing 3 of your fingers on your shrivelled arm drove me to distraction and turned my stomach, and I am sad and shallow that I can’t look beyond that. Sorry!” (Um -true recent date by the way)
    Is all of this exhausting, degrading, frustrating, sad, etc? yes. Do I understand why people give up and stay single, and why many people ‘settle’ with someone who isn’t perfect for them? absolutely.Am I losing wars in hopes of winning the battle? You bet. Is that an apropo analogy? I wish to God I could say it wasn’t.
    Good luck out there everyone. Stay strong. And share your successes and best tips and practices!

  28. Most of the posters here are women so it’s interesting hearing from the other side of the fence on this. Reading all of these first hand experiences has been a good intelligence gathering mission for me, being a single guy. It’s good to hear what you gals think about the on-line dating thing.

    I’ve also tried on-line dating and I’m still single so I guess I haven’t been too successful at it. But technically I have, sort of, depending on how you look at it. I’ll explain; My on-line dating efforts have not yet produced a long term or permanent relationship. However, I have met quite a lot of attractive women. So, if my goal was to meet and go out with a lot of single girls, I was wildly successful. If my goal was to meet my future wife or at least long-term girlfriend, then no, didn’t make that happen. You would think that sheer numbers and the law of averages would eventually catch up with me. I mean if I find 25 potential matches, talk to 12 of those and meet up with 6 of them, I would find someone to spark up a mutual attraction with. For whatever reasons, it doesn’t work like that. For the most part, my on-line dating experiences are very similar if not identical to those of you gals who have been writing about it.

    I do think the women aren’t exactly fair about it though. Here’s why:

    Bad experiences in on-line dating aren’t reserved for women. Us guys meet freaks, losers, psychos & liars too. Women always ask, why aren’t there any normal guys out there? Us guys ask the same thing, why aren’t there any normal women out there? The problem is, there are a lot of freaks & kooks out in the world and lots of them have computers. It has nothing to do with gender.

    I object to the words, “all, every, always & never” when women describe men. Come on, we’re not all bad. We don’t “always” do the wrong thing “every” time and “never” measure up. It’s not fair to those of us who really are a good catch.

    “All guys want is to get laid.” Really? Hummm, not true. There are plenty of horny women on line and they are aggressive. They were with me anyway. Some of them are downright scary. If you think on-line dating is just a feeding ground for players trolling for their next conquest, it goes both ways for both genders. I’ve had women e-mail me “ice breakers” that would make a sailor blush. It’s not just the gals who get that. Personally, I’d like to meet someone to go places and have fun with who is also someone I like to be around. That’s it for me and that has nothing to do with sex. That comes when it comes and if it isn’t for a month or more, I really don’t care. Sex is a necessary element and yes, it has to be good if not great but it isn’t the only thing and there is no reason to push for it on the second date. But that’s just me.

    Maybe I’m an exception but I’m somewhat decent looking, I work out & I’m tan, etc. I own my own business & I’ve written a few books too so I guess I’m moderately successful. I’m not putting myself out there, I’m simply saying that maybe women see me as someone who stands out among the older, overweight, nerds & geeks who are on-line. I don’t know. For whatever the reasons, I was overwhelmed with responses from women to my profiles on Match and Yahoo. Of course 99% of them were crazy, dangerous, hideous, toothless, homeless, alcoholic, drug addicted, losers and freaks. Weeding all of them out and connecting with the ones who weren’t took a lot of work.

    I think it’s all been eloquently summed up numerous times in previous posts, “dating sucks”. It’s just a lot of wasted time, hard work, hard feelings and disappointments. Still, I think we (us single people) will eventually make it and one by one find our own happiness. We have to remain optimistic!

    JW

  29. On-line dating is for the beautiful people, men and women. The average Joe (myself included) or Josephine is just wasting their time. Period.

  30. Oh BOY do I relate to your post. I had a very similar experience not too long ago. He was my first in-person date after re-entering the dating scene following the death of my husband, actually. We met on match.com and hit it off right from the start. We talked on the phone and texted at least once a day. When we went out on our first date – lunch – it lasted for three hours. The conversation was effortless and hilarious and we both (I thought at the time) had a great time. But I never could get him to agree to a time for another date. He continued to text me frequently, however. We met for coffee one more time after the lunch, and later that night I was telling him I hoped I could see him again soon. His reply: “Count on it.” Come to discover the very next day that he had removed me as a friend on fb and his status indicated he was “in a relationship” with some girl who looked like she worked at Hooters. No more texts, calls, emails, etc. He just vanished. TOTALLY rude, and it really hurt me. I feel for you…

  31. I’ve been online dating for the last 10 years. I’ve personally witnessed a change in the class of people out there. First, online dating sites like Match are now just another utility bill in our lives. Like AT&T or Comcast or your energy bill, water bill, etc. It’s become such a part of our lives, everyone is on it whether they are looking for a mate or not or even if they are single or not. It’s just accepted as a monthly bill now. These businesses don’t ever want you to meet someone and get off. When you try to get off, they tempt you back on with promotions and shills of people that don’t exist. Have you ever noticed why someone really cute disappears? Many of the people on there aren’t even real. I found my pictures on a site that I never belonged to! They just took them off of another site and used my pictures to attract guys!

  32. I’ll be 58 in about 2 weeks; been single for 5 years now. I’m female, reasonably attractive, very fit, have a good job, a beautiful home, and a truly wonderful life. I can’t believe I’m alone.

    When I was ready to try another relationship, I read everything I could get my hands on about Internet dating, and it was made to seem the “modern” thing to do. So about a year into my singlehood, I posted a profile with a professional portrait, as generally recommended for daters (both male and female) my age. OK, so the photographer whitened my teeth a little and added about 3 eyelashes–but men seemed to take this photo and superimpose their wildest dreams on it, so that the disappointment on first seeing me and realizing I’m not a 20-year-old movie star was hard to endure.

    I really only ever had two real dates–one who was looking for a drinking buddy–he said he like me because I own a house, not like the others with their apartments– and the other was just too “hard to get” with up to 4 months between emails (he didn’t ‘like’ phone calls). Another fellow asked me out to dinner but–long story with lots of hanging around waiting–there never was a dinner. I left. Some of them, upon seeing me, were polite and friendly but very obviously thought they could do better, and most of them just wanted somebody to email for a while and wanted nothing to do with meeting.

    So I packed it in and concentrated on my social life. It’s fun, and it meets a lot of my needs, but it’s not dating.

    Recently I tried a profile with “natural” photos snapped in the office and during sport activities–some of them make me look like a movie star–but I received not one response. WTF? US census figures show that 8 in 1,000 men can expect to marry someone 20 years younger; 128 in 1000 can expect to marry someone 6 to 9 years younger–assuming they make $30k to $40 k more than she does. And they also say that men who marry much younger women don’t do it twice. I have to confess that when I have erotic dreams, they’re not about an aging, irritable man with grey hair (if any), receding gums, chicken legs, and E.D. I understand. I get that. But isn’t a partnership with an equal at least an option?

    It seems to me that women do not understand that in the end we will be responsible for our own fulfillment. There will not always be somebody else (children or partners) to justify our existence, give our lives shape and meaning, be our responsibility, and fill our days. It seems that now I am my own responsibility, it’s up to me to find a meaning for my life.

    Ladies, you WILL be alone, if not now, then soon enough. Women are widows on average for 16 years. All women. There are 4 old women for every old man; it’s only natural they would expect you to qualify yourself to them, even if they’re not outright exploiters. Find another reason to live.

    So, picture the perfect lover. In detail. The companionship and warmth, the strength and chivalry, the energy and imagination, the generosity and backing, the intelligence and depth, the integrity and trustworthiness, the kindness and humour, the support and encouragement, the example and model that brings out the best in you; the commitment and love you deserve. The one who will FINALLY always be there for you and will never betray you no matter what. This person is YOU.

    I do hope I have the brains and self control not to give dating sites any more money.

  33. For a second I thought that somehow I typed this up and forgot!!! This actually gave me a ton of “I’m not alone in this” kinda feeling :) Great job at summarizing the lovely joys of dating!!!

  34. I don’t know if you will see/get this since I found it by looking at your topics. Here’s the deal on dating – on line or otherwise- pay attention to what they do before they meet you – he was over the top doing way more than what a normal man would do – that was your first clue – no one in their right mind is going to text a woman he has not met 32 times in one day or even one week or one month – that in and of itself showed he was in fantasy land.

    So instead of asking what people think of him and his lack of manners, you need to take a look at your own gulliblity – do you really want a guy who is so into fantasy trips that he before he even meets you he is doing all these over the top things? You got caught up in his fantasy and created one of your own.

    Truthfully, do you really want a man to tell you he is not interested in you? If he does not call you, that is the answer. And do you really want a whole bunch of male friends, or are you looking to meet the one and will leave any male friends by the way side as soon as that guy shows up.

    I wrote an article that you can find at http://ezinearticles.com/?Seven-Dating-Detours-Women-Make-on-the-Road-to-True-Love-and-Commitment&id=1746754 in case you want to check out some thoughts on dating. In the meantime, pay attention to what they do and don’t do before you meet them and don’t allow yourself to go off on a trip with them to never never land.

    Rainey

  35. I discovered your blog site on google and checked out a few of your earlier posts. Continue to keep up the work. I just added your RSS feed to my MSN News Reader. looking forward to reading more from you later on!

  36. this post comes a full 2 years later, but this article still applies today, unfortunately.online dating does suck. your experiences do sound rather similar to those i hear of women who date online, that men don’t call back or “disappear”.

    i took the plunge and met a man online, and we communicated via guided contact on the site, everything went “well”, we had chemistry and we met. i thought he could be “the one” given his behavior, the way he treated me, his consideration for me, the way he acted when he was around me. well it turns out, email was to remain our main form of communication over our whole relatinoship.. i had to convince him to make a phone call every now and then. he stated to me he had never been “comfortable” on the phone. and that’s not all, no sex either, nope, he has a fear of impregnating women and ending up a father before his time. this is a single 40 year old man who works on wall street by the way. and not only that, but his idea of a hard and steady relationship was the one day a week i saw him on weekends, yes that was hot and heavy for him..

    so socially inept, neurotic, social anxiety perhaps? a man like this would never really have much sucess with real women in “real life” even though i recognize he was wonderful in his own ways, he was interesting, he had good taste, he was a neurotic mess, his unwillingless to trust, to open up, to change, it was nervewracking. it was exhausting, and in the end i just feel happy to be free of this man,e ven though i will miss some of the things we did together.

    i believe alot of these men conveniently forget to list these things, and y es, t here is a reason that quite a bit of them are BEHIND that pc and not OUT in the forefront meeting women.

  37. I can so identify with what everyone is saying. The “for pay” sites are filled with fake profiles and men who disappear after texting, phoning and arranging for a meeting. The free sites are filled with trolls, freaks and the socially inept. And they most all are looking for women 10 to 25 years younger than themselves for a quick hook up and dump.

    The internet is good for researching and buying a toaster, but not for finding a partner. It has what a male friend of mine calls “the illusion of choice”. Everyone seems to be there to trade up.

    If one in five people who are dating met online…it means your odds are much better OFFLINE! Take the $$ you save and ask an attractive man out for a steak dinner.

    I can understand why older men might not want to marry…but they don’t even seem interested in having a girlfriend! Just FwB. Internet dating will steal your respect for the opposite sex and ruin your own self esteem. Avoid it like you would avoid curdled milk.

  38. I don’t know…I launched it before there really was such a thing, but I’ve looked at it on my iPhone and it appears fine. I’m not sure what an Xperia is…

  39. I just searched “online dating sucks” and you came up first page! Great great blog and I like that it has the women’s view. I tried it twice. One guy is indeed my friend and we enjoy each others company but he falls off the face of the Earth sometimes and then reappears like “hey wanna go out?” so I learned with him real quick that’s his deal.

    The other did the over the top lovey dovey thing and I fell for it hook line and sinker. I sent that man so many pictures of me. It’s not even funny. full body shots with jeans, shorts, tight shirts, loose shirts, dresses. Up close pics, pics with me with no makeup on. He lived 4 hours away from me so I was reluctant to converse with him to begin with so I wanted to make sure he really knew what I was like! I told him I needed to lose 20 pounds. I told him I had freckles and a crooked toe! LOL

    For 3 weeks he laid it on thick to the point where I even thought, I don’t care what this man looks like, he’s my soul mate. I mean I didn’t say it out loud but I thought it. I kept telling him he better be for real. He would say over and over again that I was an angel God sent to him and he would tell me that a woman with such a beautiful soul if worth something and what my ex husband lost is his gain. He also told me that I “deserve to be happy” like my friends and that he will “treat me like the lady I am”

    When we finally met, I had told him that he was different and I was very scared that he was going to break my heart because I had intense feelings for him. He loved every second of it, I swear. He drives up and he looks amazing. We hug and he kisses me and we spend the day and night together like we’ve known each other forever but there’s missing pieces, ya know? Like we go to walk into the hotel (we met half way) and he doesn’t carry my bag. When we get into his car, he hops in his side and doesn’t open the door for me. He orders drinks and dinner before me. These are all things that he just completely lacked but was willing to overlook because he was so loving in other ways. Well the next day he dropped me off to my car early. Then he calls me once and blows me off the next few times I call him. So odd since, like you, he usually texted by 20+ times a day and talked to me for hours every night.

    I had a tissy fit on him when my mother found his mug shot online and he called me the next day to council me on why everyone who has been arrested is not “bad.” well they are if they lie to me about it, I said! Then I find his cousin’s picture on the same online dating website with the same car and the same suit he’s wearing in his pictures! I tried to call him out on it but he denied it and haven’t talked to him since.

    Bottom line is that online dating SUCKS! It does! Going to a bar sucks too. I have no idea how I will find someone but this is not it. Good Luck ladies!

  40. I agree with some of what you said, yes online dating sucks, mostly because many of the people who you meet, or at least who I have met are as you said, looking for a quck fix. I have had people with poor social skills who could not even talk to meet over the phone, even when we started to go steady. I mean on the one hand, it does allow somebody who is too shy to meet a woman elsewhere to get comfortable online before chatting, but at some point you hope that person warms up and talks not just texting you. I have also had the experience with men who would just immediately want my number without even chatting, and who would just be like hi how are you you want to meet? that is a common behavior among cereal daters and that is the biggest problem with online dating, its hard to find somebody who is serious about meeting somebody, who wants to find the one and stop dating. And not to gender stereotype but it seems especially men, whereas woman are just looking for the one, so they don’t have to do online dating ever again. I have been dissapointed and now I am trying eharmony, where you do get people who want a serious relationship and less cereal daters. However, the problem with eharmony is I do not get enough matches, and the matches I do find are socially awkward and do not put much effort into keeping things going. I do not care about looks, but I do want a high quality relationship and not just meet to hookup. I have had men on free sites who would hardly talk to me, and then meet me and want to make out, therefore now I make sure I talk to a person a little before exchanging numbers and I make sure I get to know them and get a good feel of them before meeting them. As far as the men that do not call cause they are not interested, I disagree, I do not need a person who I only met once to give me an awkward call just to reject me. If the person does not call me all week, I kind of got the hint that they are not interested, noramlly they would probably call within a few days. The guy who didn’t hold your bags or pay for your foods and instead ordered before you, at his age he should know better than that, even if he was socially awkward, so he is not worth it. As far as online dating, I am getting angry it is not working for me, but its hard to meet somebody anywhere else. I have tried speed dating at the bars and it sucks. I tried social groups, but the men there just see me as a friend and are not looking for a girlfriend there, except one who I dated, so its like the only optoion lately.

  41. And many me online are just into the whole fantacy. They will talk about how they are going to treat you so well and how they like you, but they never get past the email stage, that is another big problem with online dating, its hard to find somebody who wants to meet.

  42. Another problem with online dating is with the men (I don’t know if that is the case with other woman, but not with me) the most unattractive men want gorgeous woman, just because they think they could. I mean yes online maybe they could but probably because most of the woman they could get that are gorgeous are con artists. But even after they realize that and move on, they still can’t get it out of their head and realize a more ordinary looking woman might have a lot more to offer, and I don’t mean she has a great job, but a woman who is smart, kind and wont take advantage of him. Don’t be insulted me, and I have heard men say they find that in woman, maybe I don’t know, but it seems to me like woman are often looking for more.

  43. Hi WriterBee,

    Thank you for posting this. My experiences with online dating have been the same yours. With online dating there is a sea of women at the fingertips of men. It is the constant search for something better. The date tonight was good but this girl contacted me and she could possibly be even better. It seems that no-one gives anything chance. There needs to be instant sparks or men have moved on. I have learned to put stake in absolutely nothing. You can’t excited about a date because there is a 95% chance that you will never hear from the person again and who wants to go through that level of disappointment every time. It is really sad. Online dating has made the dating process worse not better. Paid online dating sites do not care if you meet someone because if you do you will leave site and the company loses a revenue source.

    I just wish things did not have to be this way. I am 37 years old and I thought that I would’ve been married with children by now. Instead, I am online dating, trying to stay positive, when roads continue to dead end.

    It is extremely frustrating.

    Maureen

  44. I came upon this blog accidentally…a link through a link through a link. Really enjoyed it and found this thread particularly interesting.

    I’m a 50 year old man, divorced about 10 years. I live in one of the most difficult dating markets in the United States: South Florida. Certainly, there are many nice people here, but we seem to be way over the top when it comes to the superficial things in life. The materialism and narcissism here is almost pathological…particularly in Boca Raton, the city I live in. I’ve tried online dating and have my share of horror stories, but I’ve also met some really great women.

    I can sympathize with many of the complaints I read in the comments. However, I think it can work if you keep your expectations in check and simply approach it as just another way of getting an introduction. Even though the technology has been good in the way it’s provided access to more potential partners, it has also dehumanized the process because it has turned it into something akin to shopping for shoes. No wonder people are generally disappointed by their online dating experiences. It’s hard not to project your romantic hopes and dreams on to that attractive face you see on the screen, and it sucks when that hottie turns out to be a loser, or we’re rejected. But along with the convenience of the access to many more choices in partners, come the downside of the increased competition, and the fact that humans ten to be bigger-better-dealers…always wondering if the grass is greener.

    To the ladies who’ve been hurt and annoyed by men who suddenly disappear after one or two dates…relax. Don’t take it personally. If someone was rude and obnoxious, be thankful you found out quickly before you got emotionally involved. Imagine if the same guy would’ve taken a liking to you, and suppressed his lousy character until much later in the game. The bad behavior goes both ways. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve been rejected, stood-up, and blown off….

    That’s why when I meet women this way, I usually take it slow. I go in with no expectations and simply hope for the best. If something weird happens, I just laugh it off. You gotta have a sense of humor about it or you’ll get cynical and depressed. Remember, you’re lucky in life if you can find a handful of true friends. Even luckier if you find one great love relationship. By definition, MOST people will disappoint you, so it boils down to persistence and maybe some luck. Don’t give up!

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